Massage Time with Arnold Schwarzenegger

Karens, Jolenes, Sharons and Helgas

KAREN or KEN

The term Karen (or Ken) is typically used to describe a specific type of person, usually a middle-aged white woman, who is perceived as entitled, demanding, and often confrontational. The Karen frequently complains or asks to speak to the manager in various situations, such as in retail stores, restaurants, or customer service interactions. They are often portrayed as being overly demanding, insisting on their perceived rights or privileges, and displaying a sense of entitlement.

 

However there are also other types of people who fall into different categories.

JOLENE or JAYDEN

A Jolene (or Jayden) is a person who possesses captivating beauty and charm and uses it to pursue the husbands or partners of other women. She exudes an irresistible allure that can cause married or committed men to be tempted and potentially stray from their relationships. Jolenes are often seen as a threat, as her captivating presence and appeal can create insecurities and tensions within relationships. She symbolizes the potential disruption of the stability and fidelity between couples. Also sometimes called "A Homewrecker".

 

SHARON or STEPHEN

A Sharon (or Stephen) likes to work in offices and is an employee whose lack of motivation and productivity is matched only by their catty nature and fondness for nasty gossiping. In addition to her sluggish approach to work, Sharon frequently engages in malicious conversations, spreading rumors and fostering a toxic atmosphere within the office. Office Politics is their game and they excel at it. When a Sharon is not slacking off on their duties, they can often be found whispering in hushed tones or engaging in small groups, eagerly sharing and perpetuating negative information about their coworkers. Lastly, Sharon will always try to climb the corporate ladder on the backs of people that they have badmouthed, and as soon as they become their superior they fires the people they've been gossiping about.

HELGA or HUGO

A Helga (or Hugo) is the epitome of a terrible neighbor, an individual who encompasses vanity, envy, avarice, and deceitfulness. They are driven by a deep-seated need for attention and is constantly preoccupied with their appearance and their house's appearance, seeking validation and admiration from others. Their vanity extends to their real estate and leads them to judge and belittle those who do not meet their perceived standards of beauty or success. Beyond their self-centeredness, Helga is envious of the success, possessions, and relationships of others. Rather than celebrating their accomplishments, they harbor resentment and seeks to undermine and sabotage them out of a sense of jealousy. This envy fuels their spiteful actions and fuels a desire to see others suffer.

 

Chances are likely you've met one of these types? Have you? Tell us about it in the comments below.

Sexist Men are more likely to think Romeo is the main character of Romeo & Juliet

This just in...

In a rather unscientific poll of people on Twitter and Instagram, men are more likely to think that Romeo is the main character of Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" as opposed to both characters being "main characters".

First, let's define what is a main character or protagonist.

"A protagonist is the main character of a story. The protagonist makes key decisions that affect the plot, primarily influencing the story and propelling it forward and is often the character who faces the most significant obstacles."

Using this definition, we see that Romeo and Juliet are both main characters because they both fit that definition, since they routinely make decisions which push the plot forward, and bring it to its final conclusion when Romeo chooses to kill himself, and Juliet similarly chooses to kill herself.

It should also be noted that the roles are reversed. Juliet is female, but she is portrayed as being more aggressive, determined and intelligent, whereas Romeo is male, but he is depicted as a whiny bitch (albeit a charming one) who loses his temper and goes off the rails.

Despite this, some men when polled stated that they believed Romeo was the main character, and refuted the idea that it was possible to have "two main characters" in a story. Some men argued, in typical sexist fashion, that Juliet is just a supporting character that is just there to be the object of Romeo's romantic desires.

One male responder to the poll also argued that the theatre production should be called "Chad and Stacy" and went on an insane rant about how "all women like Juliet are just cockteasers who put you in the friendzone while looking for a Chad". (I had to look this up, but apparently Chad and Stacy are "incel terms", which tells us that this particular responder is a virgin who cannot get laid - probably because he's a creepy sexist pig.)

Despite the sexist male component, the poll did determine that an overwhelming majority of people do agree that both Romeo and Juliet are main characters.

Both characters do fit the protagonist description after all.

Romeo has a tiny bit more lines than Juliet, but his lines are shorter. Juliet has almost the same number of lines, but her lines are longer. If we compare the total number of words spoken then Juliet is the clear winner. Thus if we use the standard that the character who talks the most is the main character, then there is actually a strong argument that it is Juliet, not Romeo.

But since both characters fit the definition of protagonist, and both of them share "screen time" and "the most lines" almost 50/50, there is an even stronger argument that they are both main characters.

But as usual you can always trust that a sexist male will try to push the idea that the main character must be male. It could even be a film with two women (eg. "Thelma and Louise") and there will be a man out there who will argue that Brad Pitt or Harvey Keitel are the main characters.

Phobias and Waiting until the Wedding Night

I heard a funny story recently of a man and a woman who agreed not to have sex until after they were married. It wasn't for religious reasons, they both had their own reasons, but they never got around to explaining to each other why they were against having sex until their marriage night.

The husband as it turns out had an unusual phobia. Medomalacuphobia, which is the fear of losing an erection. Apparently he had been so embarrassed about it at some point that he had long since decided to avoid having sex until after he was married.

Unfortunately the wife had her own reason for wanting to wait until after they were married. She was petrified of the idea. She also had a phobia, Medorthophobia, which is the fear of seeing an erect penis.

So he was afraid of losing his erection and being embarrassed, and she was afraid of seeing erections.

The first coupling was reportedly awkward and there was a lot of explaining that happened.

Fortunately it worked out for both of them. They simply turned the lights off so the wife never saw it, and he was blessed without the embarrassment of her ever seeing it if he did lose his "momentum" in the darkness - and should she ever see it in the un-erect form, well, she was okay with that. Just so long as she didn't see it erect.

They both lived happily ever after.

Long Dongs on the Beach

"I am filling out my personals profile for this dating website. I guess I will just say I am down to earth."

"I am so down to earth I am subterranean."

"Oh yeah, well I am so down to earth I am Magma Man."

"Awesome superhero name. Magma Man. Whats your powers? Melting stuff and then becoming a rock?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided. Sounds better than my pornstar name."

"Oh?"

"Long Dong Silver"

"See. This is why you are on personals websites in the first place writing things like about being down to earth and long walks on the beach."

"Maybe so. But what you said gives me an idea: Long Dongs on the Beach."

"That sounds more like a cocktail drink."

"1 banana, uncut, 2 shots of rum, 1 of vodka, sourmix and finely chopped ice in a tall glass."

"Wow. Now I want to try that drink."

Happy drinking!

Raptophobia Vs Homophobia

Raptophobia is the fear of rape.

Homophobia is the fear of homosexuals.

I bring up this topic for two reasons: 1. There is a clear difference between these two things. 2. Because I was watching the final season of Spartacus last night, including the scene where Julius Caesar gets raped by Tiberius Crassus, the son of Marcus Crassus.

Caesar was not afraid of Tiberius prior to the rape. He didn't like him because he was a rival and they were both hungry for power, but their sexualities played no role in it.

During the season, Tiberius rapes two people, Caesar and also a slave girl belonging to Tiberius' father Marcus Crassus. When Tiberius is captured in a trap by Spartacus, Caesar is sent to barter for Tiberius' life (even though Caesar now secretly wants him dead), and after negotiating for his release the boy is killed by the slave girl he had raped (who had fled her master and joined up with Spartacus' army out of fear of her master's son). So Caesar was actually pleased at that turn of events.


It is a complicated plot I admit. I am summarizing and abbreviating as best as I can. Watch the whole series if you want more details.

No where in the plot is there homophobia. But there is raptophobia - the fear of rape - a theme which continues from first season onwards, a smaller part of the master vs slave theme of the whole series which leads Spartacus into leading a slave rebellion against their Roman masters.

I think however that there is an important distinction between the fear of rape and the so-called fear of homosexuals. Having a healthy fear of being raped is normal. Everyone is afraid of rape, much like we are all afraid of dying, public speaking, etc. Having an actual fear of homosexuals suggests it is an irrational fear.

If we say "Rob Ford is a homophobe." does that mean he pees his pants and runs away every time he meets a gay person? No. He does not. (Although it would be funny if he did.)

The terms "homophobe" and "homophobia" are really inaccurate. What we really should be saying is "Rob Ford hates homosexuals." because that is more accurate.

It would be like confusing raptophilia (people who get turned on by rape) with raptophobia (people who are afraid of being raped) or raptodium (the hatred of rapists and rape, from the latin words rapto and odium).

Thus the proper way to say it is actually "Rob Ford is a homodiumite." Which I admit homodiumite doesn't roll off the tongue quite so easily, but at least it is accurate.

Thus when you hear or read about religious wackos thumping their bibles and saying horrible things about gay people, those people are not really afraid of gay people. They are just homodiumites - people who have an irrational hatred of gay people.

It has nothing to do with raptophobia or homophobia. They aren't pissing themselves in fear. They are just bigots who love hating things.

Raptophobia is sometimes associated with androphobia (the fear of men). This is not to be confused with androdium (the hatred of men), although sometimes fear and hatred coincide where rape victims are concerned.

For example I hate spammers. All spammers should die long and horrible deaths. Telemarketers too. They should all be crucified outside the city to warn others not to spam people or you will end up getting crucified too. That makes me a "spammerodiumite".

It is not like I am afraid of spam or spammers. I just hate them and I wish they would stop spamming me.

For the record I am very happy Rob Ford is no longer the mayor of Toronto. Now if only John Tory would have a "dead prostitute scandal" or something similar that would push him out of office I would be happy. Seriously. John Tory looks like the type of politician who has a few dead prostitute skeletons in the closet. You never know, he might even make Rob Ford look like a loveable jerk if people discover John Tory has been sneaking around doing some pretty nasty stuff.

But regardless of my disgust of John Tory, I will at least say that he still had the balls to go to Toronto's Gay Pride Parade (unlike Rob Ford who ignored his mayoral duties for 4 years). Although admittedly he did use his participation in the event as a blatant attempt to win votes. Meh. At least he showed up.

English Slang Terms for Gentleman's Sausage and Milady's Rosebush

Penis 1. Maypole (1621) 2. Pioneer of nature (1653) 3. Master John Goodfellow (1653) 4. Generating tool (1653) 5. Evesdropper (1653) 6. Cyprian scepter (1653) 7. Don Cypriano (1653) 8. Matrimonial peacemaker (1708) 9. Gentleman usher (1719) 10. Rule of three (1720)—this refers to the whole genital area 11. Silent flute (1720) 12. Arbor vitae (1732) 13. Impudence (1783) 14. Staff of life (1836) 15. Mr. Peaslin (1883) 16. Credentials (1895)

Vagina 1. Belle-chose (1386) 2. Altar of Venus (1584) 3. Netherlands (1591) 4. Placket-lace (1593) 5. Phoenix nest (1618) 6. Nature’s treasury (1635) 7. Contrapunctum (1653) 8. Privy-counsel (1664) 9. Aphrodisiacal tennis court (1665) 10. Lady’s low toupee (1721) 11. Mount Pleasant (1748) 12. Petticoat lane (1790) 13. Venerable monosyllable (1796) 14. Fancy article (1822) 15. Mrs. Fubbs’ parlor (1823) 16. Antipodes (1832) 17. Thatched cottage (1835) 18. Cyprian fountain (1846) 19. Road to a christening (1903)

Old Married Couples who Argue at Work

Old married couples argue a lot. You know the ones I mean.

Especially if your parents argued a LOT and never got divorced even though they wanted to get divorced but "stayed together for the kids". Then you will know what I mean on an intimate level because it happened to you.

But I have to wonder which is more traumatic for a child:

1) Getting a divorce.

2) Staying together and putting your kids through hell as you argue constantly.

Option 2 could even include spousal abuse, which means the children might be witnessing all manner of spouse on spouse violence - and growing up might continue that cycle of violence with their own spouse.

Any kind of spousal abuse is immediate grounds for divorce in my book. Regardless of who the victim of the abuse is, they should also make efforts to document the abuse with photos, video and visiting a doctor, and police.

And back up photos / videos online so the spouse cannot delete them. Quick and easy way to do that is to email the files to a friend or family member for safekeeping. Or multiple friends / family members.

Anyway, even without abuse you need to be thinking "What is the effect of all this arguing on the children?"

Well it is traumatizing to say the least. To the point that children sometimes run away, attempt suicide due to stress, get into drugs or alcohol, develop severe depression, become violent and act out, etc. I don't have any scientific studies to back this up, this is just my observations based on years of witnessing various parents who probably should not be together and argue so much their kids are traumatized.

It would be very interesting to see a scientific study done on the topic. It is possible there is several studies on the topic, so feel free to try and find one and then post the link in the comments.

A Guy Moment at Work

Today I want to talk about GUY MOMENTS. Moments that only GUYS will understand.

There will be similar female equivalents to these moments, but how women describe such a moment and how men describe Guy Moments are very different.

I will give examples.

One time I was sitting on the subway and across from me was another guy roughly my age. Then a beautiful woman with an amazing *** walks by. Both of our heads turn and we watch her lovely *** leave the subway at the next stop. Then we turned to look at each with goofy boyish grins on our faces. Then I said to him "I think she works out." He grinned and nodded. "Yep. That girl definitely likes to work on her assets."

And there you go. Two men oggling the same woman and sharing the moment without fighting over her.

In a very different scenario two men might have fought over. A bar, they had both been drinking, the girl had made sexual advances on both men and played one against the other deliberately. That could lead to a very different guy moment wherein one man says to the other: "Well I guess we should just roll up our sleeves, go outside and fight this out."

And the other guy goes: "We could. Or we could play darts and the winner gets to ask her out. Less police involved. And if either of us disputes the winner we can still fight it out in the alley later."

And there you go. A Guy Moment wherein two men realize they can solve their problem more amicably by playing darts and not falling for some lame trick by the female to determine which is the Alpha Male. (Certain types of women are only attracted to Alpha Men.)

Here is a 3rd example of a Guy Moment:

Two men seeing something happening and both decide to act at the same time to prevent a disaster. They might even speak in unison if they are thinking the same thing, such as "Grab the other end of the ladder!"

Now you might think, wait, how is that a Guy Moment? Can't a woman think fast in an emergency too? Yes of course they can. But a woman's plan of action will often differ dramatically from a man's plan of action because many men think in terms of simplistic brute force. Eg. "Lets just charge at the gunman and whack him with the ladder!"

Now I admit, yes, some women might come up with a plan such as hitting someone with a big aluminum ladder - but it would be very few women who would come up with such a plan that requires that level of brute force.

Here is another example of how two men might share the same thought. Faced with a deranged gunman who starts shooting people at random, both men decide 'simultaneously' to kick the gunman in the testes. Now women are able to have that thought, but when a man thinks of that there is also the acknowledgement that they know how PAINFUL getting kicked in the testes is - both on a physical level and psychologically.

(True, women might - if they are a mother - know the pain of childbirth, but that is a feeling not all women experience - and it is not a true equivalent.) Thus only men who have kicked in the testes - as most men have, at least once been on the receiving end - can truly appreciate the sense of comraderie when two men decide upon the same action.
Doubtless you can think of your own Guy Moments. Please write them in the comments section.

Concrete Buffers at Work / Funny!

I swear, you can actually see the men "thinking" as they try to figure out this problem.

The problem is an out of control piece of machinery, a concrete buffer, and the men trying to figure out how to stop the thing for spinning out of control. Hilarious.

Single Vs In A Relationship

I chose to share this because it was funny. Huzzah for being in a relationship! Sucks to be the people who are not.

Pickup Lines for Women to use on Men

Some of these are a bit disturbing, others are just funny - the images were produced by Cosmo - and what they are promoting is pickup lines for women to use on men.

I personally find that pickup lines men use to be quite lewd and rude, so how are these any better? Is Cosmo trying to say that using these lines are acceptable just because it is a woman saying them? I don't think so. I think any pick up line that "crosses the line" in terms of rudeness should get a man slapped across the face.

And what standard is this setting for women? Sexual aggressiveness is fine and all, but what about how men will respond to such questions of sexual availability? Some men will no doubt take it too far.

Call me old fashioned, but a little romance is always better that a cheesy pickup line.

Are Men Being Pressured to Accept Realistic Standards of Female Beauty?

This was originally posted in The Onion (which is a satirical news website), but it raises an interesting question about whether men are actually being pressured to accept realistic standards of female beauty.

'Confronted on a regular basis with images of women who represent a diverse array of body types, a growing number of American men are reportedly feeling pressured to accept the increasingly realistic standards of female beauty now depicted in the media, social scientists confirmed this week.

“More and more, men today find themselves bombarded with un-retouched images, and with that comes the considerable mental burden of trying to reconcile what they see in these ads and magazines with their personal perceptions of beauty,” said sociologist Cliff Hillard, who studies attainable ideals of female attractiveness in the media and how they can create an overly realistic sense of what women ought to look like. “For most men, it’s very discouraging. Instead of seeing only rail-thin models, they’re now exposed to accurate representations of women whose proportions mimic those of actual human females.”

“Think about the average man flipping through a magazine that features pictures of women who haven’t had their cheekbones raised or their noses reshaped with Photoshop,” Hillard continued. “How is he supposed to feel when he sees something like that?”

Every day, according to Hillard, men are faced with “inescapable” displays of average-sized women, women who are representatively diverse in terms of race and ethnicity, and women who are not professional models. According to one recent study, the average man sees photographs of women without digitally exaggerated bust-to-waist ratios dozens of times per day on TV, billboards, and the sides of buses, which the findings suggest has a demoralizing effect on the male psyche and has been shown to negatively influence men’s self-esteem and mood the more often they view such images.

Hillard noted that major companies like Dove, H&M, and Ralph Lauren now use nontraditional models in their advertising campaigns, an increasingly popular trend that, according to the sociologists’ research, ultimately serves to make men feel upset and frustrated when the women in commercials don’t live up to their own personal fantasies.

“Nowadays I can’t even leave the house without seeing an ad featuring properly proportioned women of statistically normal weights,” said San Diego–based civil engineer Spencer DeLane, adding that some of the models’ bodies are “startlingly average.” “Sometimes I don’t even want to go online or turn on the television because I know I’ll see a regular, healthy-looking woman. Don’t these advertisers understand how deeply depressing that is for me?”

“It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to other men like me,” he continued. “Having to live with society’s expectations that I accept women just the way they are takes an enormous toll.”

In a recent USA Today poll, 87 percent of men said that in the past month they’d seen an ad that made them feel inadequate by challenging their conceptions of physical beauty. Within that group, 74 percent said they’d seen a model posing without makeup and 83 said they’d seen visible blemishes, with a further 62 percent reporting that they’d seen a model with slight wrinkles around her eyes that “could very easily have been digitally or surgically removed.”

Armed with mounting evidence that men can feel crushed under the heavy mental strain to appreciate all types of women, Hillard questioned the costs of depicting them in a sensible way that reflects their natural physical variance.

“Here you’ve got a generation of boys who will grow up looking at women in the media and seeing flaws here, flaws there, flaws everywhere—what are they supposed to think?” said Hillard, who noted that his 12-year-old son is just now beginning to objectify women and that such portrayals could grossly alter what he perceives as an idealized female form for the rest of his life. “That’s why it’s more important than ever to empower men so they can teach themselves to ignore these ads and images.”

“We men simply need to have conviction in our own ideas of what makes a woman beautiful,” he added.'

To me this comes back to age old adage:

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Some men prefer women who are well endowed with larger hips, larger breasts, and so forth - while some men prefer skinny women. Rarely are women both skinny and well-endowed.

"The Vitruvian Woman" varies wildly from man to man, although the accepted norm (according to psychologists) is a breast to waist to hip ratio of 3-2-3, such as 36-24-36 or 32-21-32 or similar ratios.

Even women have an idealized ratio for men, of what they consider attractive, which is approximately a chest-waist-hip ratio of 10-7-9. Large chest, slim waist, nice buttocks.

Fred Vs Martha - What are they thinking?

Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Fred," Martha says aloud.

"What?" says Fred, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Fred.

"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Fred.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.

"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Fred.

"That way about time," says Martha.

"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Fred," she says.

"Thank you," says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"

And for fun, below is another example of how men and women think differently.

Gyno Star Vs High Heels

Gyno Star Vs High Heels

Banned Condom Commercial

Wow. I can't imagine why the condom commercial further below was banned. I guess it was too over the top. :p

Definitely funny however.

To me advertisements like this prove that there is a market for mature channels that allow traditional style advertising (like insurance ads, car ads, beer commercials, etc) but with a mature theme.

Of course I could also argue that we now have the internet, netflix, video streaming, etc and that advertising censors don't apply online - and therefore making ads like this still have value because you can simply promote it online and mavens (people like me who post funny/interesting stuff for free) will promote it for free.

But whatever. It is effective advertising.

Farts, Farting and Fart Jokes

Oh and belching.

Let us not forget belching.

Farting and belching are two perfectly normal and indeed HEALTHY aspects of human existence.

"Fart proudly." 
- Benjamin Franklin.

Even back in the 1700s Benjamin Franklin and many others knew that farting was wealthy and perfectly normal. Same goes with belching. Nothing wrong with a good healthy belch.

And yet some people associate farting and belching with being impolite. They're sometimes embarrassing, but they are not impolite.

It is no more impolite than uncontrollable laughter. Why? Because it is UNCONTROLLABLE. Farting and belching are uncontrollable bodily functions, much like breathing, your heart beating, and the need to visit the bathroom for #1 or #2.

Sort of like Elaine's uncontrollable laughter in the following Seinfeld clips.



Farting and belching...

Perfectly natural.

Just not socially acceptable.

I will give you an example.

When I was in grade 9 (omidragon that was decades ago...) I remember drinking a Coca-Cola and then belching in English class. A girl who sat near me turned around and said "You sexist pig!"

Now tell me... What is sexist about someone belching?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I could have farted and that would not have been remotely sexist either.

Piggish on the other hand. Have you ever seen a pig belch? I have not.

Although I did manage to find a video of a dog named "Pig" belching. Not the same thing obviously. Kind of cute really.



With a bit more effort I did eventually find a video of a pig belching. It wasn't remotely sexist either.



So here is the thing.

I think in that particular scenario, the girl from my English class... She was the one being sexist. She was following a sexist stereotype that men are rude sexist pigs that belch and fart all the time. She heard me belch, and immediately concluded - jumped to the conclusion based on a ridiculously sexist stereotype - that I must be a sexist pig just because I belched after drinking a Coca-Cola.

And honestly, its a freaking Coca-Cola. Who doesn't belch after drinking a Coke?

And to illustrate my point here is a video of a man drinking 2 litres of Coca-Cola and then belching.

List of Toilet Phobias

NOTE - This isn't one of my normal topics. I just felt it was funny.

---

Common Toilet Phobia - Parcopresis / psychogenic fecal retention, whereby the sufferer is unable to defecate unless they have a certain level of privacy. Its called "Common" Toilet Phobia because it is surprisingly common.

Commodaphobia - One who is afraid of toilets in general and avoids them entirely.

Toilet Germophobia - The fear of unsanitary toilets which might have feces or urine on the seat.

Some of these below don't have real names... but they are real phobias. I have a few of these myself. Some of them are pretty common.

Shitmypants Phobia - The fear of needing to get to the toilet and not getting there on time. This fear is intensified when you have diarrhea.

iSplash Toilet Phobia - The fear of dropping your iPhone or other precious item in the toilet.

Splattermatterphobia - The fear of what may be on the underside of the toilet seat in a public bathroom.

Recycled Toilet Water Phobia - The fear that the water from the toilet is somehow immediately recycled and made into your drinking water.

Monster Toilet Phobia - The fear that the toilet is an animated monster and might try to eat you. A phobia more commonly experienced by children.

Piranhas in the Toilet Phobia - The fear that piranhas or aligators might somehow come up the pipes and attack you.

Toilet Seat Up Phobia - The fear of falling in the toilet because someone left the seat up and then getting stuck in there permanently.

Oh Oh No Toilet Paper Phobia - The fear of running out of toilet paper when you need it most.

Kick Mickey in the balls

To any women out there who want to learn some basic self defense here is a hot tip.

Kick Mickey in the balls.

If a little girl can do it then so can you. I call that a crime deterrent.

Have a nice day!