Single Dads at Work

SEX - This article is about the dating life (or lack thereof) of single dads (it has nothing to do with the working habits of single fathers).

According to dating website eHarmony 70% of childless Canadian women seeking love decline to even consider a single father as a possible mate. Is it because they think single dads are damaged goods? Do they just hate children? Are they afraid of becoming a step-mother? Or do they just don't want to help raise what is quite likely a very nice kid, just because its not their own flesh and blood?

And there is actually quite a few single dads out there... all of them with limited love lives because of a combination of work, kid(s) to look after and possibly other obligations.

Some people argue women have an aversion to men with children because they are afraid they won't be the "only person in his life" because the child will require a lot of his attention. ie. the child will often come first.

But in contrast however many Canadian men are open to meeting single mothers. Practically competing with each other to meet them. Well, not exactly... but only 63% declined to meet single moms. That is a much better percentage.

NOTE: eHarmony considers people to be single parents, even if the child lives with someone else. That means that people with children could have their children living in another country or some place reasonably far away, and they would still be considered a parent (and a single one).

The problem is that even if the kid is far away is that people consider children to be extra baggage (as opposed to a perk) when it comes to dating.

ie. Last year I dated a woman who had a 4-year-old son here in Toronto. For me having him around us was troublesome at times (lack of privacy and his penchant for troublemaking), but overall I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and would do it again. I can't wait to be a father.

However on the upside I learned something about myself and my qualities as a possible future parent. Furthermore, dating a person with a child means you learn quickly what kind of person they are (how attentive, responsible, etc) and what kind of parent they will be if the two of you decide to have kids too.

“Watching a man parent his children pulls on my heart strings. The relationship I have with my father is a deeply loving and dynamic bond. To (see) relationships reflective of similar breadth and depth takes my breath away.” - A. DeSylva, a 28-year-old Torontonian who has dated single dads.

If a man is 30 or older doesn't have kids, it raises concerns that he might be 'emotionally unavailable', have various relationship hangups, etc... as opposed to implying he was just cautious and used protection / dated girls with birth control pills.

Thus after the age of 35 if a man doesn't have kids, there might be something wrong with him... or maybe he's just been really cautious, which is a good thing. (Women should be able to tell which after they've bedded the guy.)

“If a prospective suitor in this age bracket doesn't have kids, there's usually a very, very, very good reason,” says A. DeSylva.

According to Patti Henry, a psychotherapist and author of "The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing" these are good signs when dating single dads:

#1. If he is protective of you meeting his children, like not wanting you to meet them until after 3 to 6 months.

#2. If he still hangs out with other adults and not his kids regularly.

#3. If he is wise with his children and still punishes them when they do something bad.

#4. If he doesn't spoil them rotten.

All good signs he could be a very good and loving partner, and not be beholden to his kids all the time. (The same good signs can also be applied to dating single mothers.)

“What these women fail to consider is that the act of fatherhood makes any man kinder, more patient, loving and far less selfish. We're just better guys and better partners for being dads. Why isn't that part of the equation?" - Mitch, a 39-year-old single dad.

Sex Toys at Work

Are you having relationship problems?

Chances are likely the source is in your bed. Meaning you are not satisfying your wife or girlfriend enough. It could be she wants something more.

So before you do anything else (like run out and buy sex toys) you should discuss it with her first, communicate and see if she wants something more in the bedroom. (Hopefully she doesn't want a threesome with another man, because you probably are not into that...)

If she is curious about sex toys (and suddenly shows you her vibrator collection) then you know you have stumbled upon the solution.

Using sex toys in your relationship for getting the maximum pleasure is something that’s becoming more popular - both for married and non-married couples. Sure it is kinky and there is also implied intimacy involved in having sex with sex toys because it is an intimate secret.

But there are a few things that you need to keep in mind provided you wish to make the best use of sex toys for the best pleasure. While these sex toys can actually take your relationship to a different level, you should also be careful. Do it too soon in a relationship and she might think you are some kind of sexual pervert. Using sex toys should be a solution when the relationship is already past its earlier stages and starting to become a bit stale. In other words when the relationship has lost some of its sexual charm and has been going through some problems, then it is time to spice it up.

There are communication gaps between couples and a good sex toy is certainly a good opportunity to mend things by forcing you to communicate more during sex. As such sex toys actually can help a big deal to get things back on track when a couple is not communicating much. When you are introducing the sex toys for the first time in your relationship then it’s advisable to begin slowly. You are actually trying to mend things and not lose them by messing things up more.

As such don't just ram a dildo or vibrator in there in a hurry. Take your time.

Indeed I would argue that before going for the phallic sex toys, try making use of lotions and oils first so that using sex toys becomes easier for you to introduce later on.

Water / Ice Cubes
Water Guns

Introducing a third element into your bedroom activities doesn't have to be something big and expensive. A little massage oil (eg. nuru massage oil) and some ice cubes goes a long way. To get the most out of your sex life sometimes "less is more".

It is also not a big deal if you don't communicate your desire to use ice cubes as a sex toy. It is however a big deal if you introduce a massage oil that they are allergic to.

Before you begin, make sure that you have communicated with your partner regarding your intentions so they know you are introducing something new. There should not be any room for confusion and miscommunication. You must put the foundation in place. Use sex toys that are easy to use, especially when you are using it for the first time. Using too complex sex toys might actually frighten / confuse your partner.

However, you must ensure that you are not becoming addicted to using sex toys. It may have a negative impact on your relationship. Relying solely on the third element to boost up the lost passion in your relationship is not advisable at all. There are many kinds of sex toys that are available in the market. You and your partner can make a choice about the kind of sex toys that would be most suitable for both of you.

I also advise against roleplaying, BDSM or crossdressing unless you are BOTH super interested in that sort of thing. Forcing the other person into your weird fetishes is just going to end the relationship even faster.

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