Whirlwind Romances and Commitment-Phobes at Work

DISCLAIMER - Not all people are commitment-phobes. Some have completely legitimate reasons to end a relationship. Some are just fickle or bored easily. It is my experience that younger people tend to be commitment-phobes and older people are more willing and desiring of a lasting relationship with all the responsibilities that come with it.

LOVE - Have you ever met a woman and after awhile (the term "awhile" can really vary from woman to woman) she starts talking about commitment.

Now commitment could mean many things.

It could mean going steady (which some men fear because they don't like to be tied down to one person and prefer to sleep around / cheat constantly).

It could mean moving in together as part of a natural progression towards marriage.

It could mean marriage itself, with the implied commitment towards having children.

Many of these things have been known to cause bachelors running for the hills, seeking protection and some sort of escape clause from their relationship. This is largely due to a fear of responsibility and/or commitment and/or fear of growing older, settling down, etc.

Usually its young men who are commitment-phobes. The older the man gets the more likely he starts getting fatherly yearnings towards having a wife and kids. And even grandkids. The ol' grow old and die together bit.

For women it is the same problem, but they also have a biological clock that is ticking. Once a woman enters her 30s and hasn't had kids of her own, if she has any plans to do so she had better speed it up and/or lower her standards.

Now there is plenty of nice single men out there. I know, I am one of them. But they're sometimes shy and they can't be hitting on women at work (because that is sexual harassment), they can't hit on women on the subway (because that is just creepy) and meeting women at church only works for those people who are super-religious and have no life.

So where is a man in his 30s supposed to meet a woman his age? Online personals. And there is quite a few out there, but the one I recommend is Plenty of Fish, or if you're very serious about getting married, check out eVow.

So you go through the whole online personals thing, a bit embarrassed at first, but hey, its easier than trying to pick up a woman at a bar and getting rejected in person.

Then Man meets Woman... and here is where we reach the Whirlwind Romance part of my conversation.

If people connect on their first meeting (and sadly most do not connect) they will probably end their first date with a kiss. Anything less than a kiss and she probably doesn't like you, so don't expect a 2nd date unless she actually makes an effort to arrange a 2nd meeting. No Kiss + Zero Effort = No 2nd Date. Capiche?

If they connect very well it might reach one of those baseball euphemism bases... for those who don't know, they are:

First base – French kissing involving the tongue.
Second base – Aggressive stimulation of the upper body, neck, chest, breasts, back, etc.
Third base – Manual or oral stimulation of the genitalia.
Home run – The act of penetrative intercourse, whether vaginal or anal.

Now if the 4th one happens and continues for some time its recommended you get tested for HIV, wear protection (especially if you're sleeping with multiple women), practice self control, etc.

Now eventually one or both of you will become emotionally attached to the other. If this happens quickly, as per a Whirlwind Romance, one or both parties might be tempted to slow it down or even break off the relationship completely (as in you never see her again). Such is the risks associated with having a Whirlwind Romance, they can sometimes end quickly.

Speaking for myself, my Whirlwind Romances usually led to long term relationships, the longest of which lasted 6 years. So in my opinion Whirlwind Romances are a good sign that two people are very compatible.

But not everyone thinks that way. So don't be surprised when women want to slow things down or end it.

Why?

Because women can also be commitment-phobes. They may have other (more legitimate) reasons too, but the core principle is sound. If things happen too fast men typically don't care, so long as the marriage part is slower. For women if things happen too fast they seem to get freaked out easily, possibly due to the fear of the unknown, fear of marriage, fear they're repeating a mistake / trend they've made with other relationships, etc. Any number of legitimate reasons.

Now if you commitment-phobe men out there were paying attention, you may have noticed the escape clause you have been looking for... all you have to do is say:

"I think we're going too fast and should take a break."

Oh sure, the woman is going to accuse you of being a commitment-phobe, and she would be right in doing so. But at least you're being honest for once.

To be fair to her you should also make it clear whether you will ever change your mind.

If you are interested in seeing her later you should say something like: "I just need time to think, but if I come to decision I would like to get back together with you and we could take it slower the second time around."

If you have zero interest in ever seeing her again (because she wasn't your type, was some psychotic nutjob, etc.) you should probably just tell her: "Don't bother waiting for me. I have zero interest in seeing you again. I don't think you are my type anyway. Lets just be friends! You snore and your breath stinks. You make love like a corpse. Etc, etc." You could even email her this blog post and she will get the hint.

Now on the reverse side if its the gal who gets cold feet and becomes commitment-phobic, well then there is nothing you can do about it except try to be supportive (pleading doesn't work, you only feel more pathetic and rejected).

If she says she may change her mind later, great. If not, then you will probably never see her again.

Such is life.

The funny thing about commitment-phobes is that men and women usually go about it differently. Men will typically look for an excuse to end a relationship. Women are more likely to use the "Lets just be friends!" speech or the "Its going too fast!" speech.

All things are equal in love and war, but that doesn't stop us from using different tactics.

How to get a Softer Mustache (or Beard)

I've been growing a Movember (a Mustache to raise awareness for prostate cancer) during the month of November...

Alas the damn thing itches and the bristles are, well, bristly. Probably pretty annoying when kissing the ladies too.

So how do I get a softer / less itchy mustache?

While it is true that everyone's hair is different, there are some ways to get softer hair.

#1. CONDITIONER.

This is the biggest and best thing you can do. When washing your hair with shampoo and conditioner, use a dab on your mustache (or beard) and let it sit awhile. Then lightly rinse it out after a couple minutes. If you leave a little bit of conditioner in your mustache, good. It will moisturize the hair and make it even softer.

#2. HARSH ALKALINE SHAMPOO

ie. Baby Shampoo. It will make your hair really soft. The alkaline breaks down the coarseness.

#3. MOISTURIZERS

ie. Hand moisturizers, shea butter, that sort of thing.

#4. BRUSH DAILY

Use a natural bristle brush.

#5. TRIM, DON'T CUT.

Cutting your mustache all at once with a sharp razor will leave sharp points at the ends of the hair. If you trim only little bits at a time with dull scissors it will leave softer points and only effect a small percentage of the hairs as opposed to making the whole mustache sharp again.

#6. HOT AIR

Use a blow dryer after shampooing and conditioning.

#7. PERM

Using a perm solution seems a bit drastic, but it will definitely help.

#8. DIET

Adding linseed oil and flaxseed oil to your diet will also make your hair softer. This goes for the whole body. It also makes your skin softer and a bunch of other health benefits.

Stupid People at Work

ENVIRONMENT - Ever had an argument with a stupid person?

You know, the kind of people who ignore the laws of physics?

For this example I am referring to people who ignore the laws of thermodynamics... and in particular greenhouse gases. Greenhouse gases trap heat inside the earth's atmosphere. Its a proven fact.

Its a bit like ignoring other laws of physics... like gravity! Laws of motion, acceleration, relativity, quantum laws, electromagnetic laws, etc.

Thus when arguing with a stupid person who refuses to acknowledge the laws of thermodynamics and how greenhouse gases can be a frustrating task. The stupid person you are arguing with lacks the basic knowledge to make a coherent argument. Instead they use half logic, make up numbers, use information that is besides the point.

I recently had an argument with a deranged man named Willie McDonald from Houston, Texas. He kept fussing and claiming sun irradiation was the cause of global warming. He used made up numbers and links to conspiracy theory websites.

Sun irradiation (heat) has gone up 0.05% per decade since 1980 during quiet sunspot activity. So approximately 0.15%. The heat from the sun does fluctuate from time to time, but 0.15% is not enough to explain the temperature increases and global warming on Earth. Its too small a number. (Note, this increase is only a measurement during quiet sunspot activity... and thus is besides the point and further made irrelevant when you consider that the Earth's atmosphere both deflects and traps heat.)

Especially when you ignore how greenhouse gases work.

The Earth absorbs heat from the sun, yes, but the Earth also gives off heat back into space. The amount of heat given off into space depends on the percentage of greenhouse gases in the Earth's atmosphere.

The Earth's atmosphere also reflects heat. Thus the Earth's contained heat remains a relative constant, and the Earth's atmosphere is the single biggest contributor to global warming.

Greenhouse gases work like insulation. Once the heat gets inside the Earth's atmosphere it becomes more difficult for heat to escape. If you fill a box with greenhouse gases and provide a heat source, the box will heat up easily. If you fill it up with regular air, the box will still heat up, but it will give off heat more.

The primary greenhouse gases in the Earth's atmosphere are water vapor, carbon dioxide, methane, nitrous oxide, and ozone. How well these trap heat are even measurable. See the IPCC list of greenhouse gases for more details.

And so forth...

Try explaining all this to a stupid person (especially a conspiracy theorist) who refuses to admit that the Laws of Physics are called LAWS for a reason.

I blame the education system in North America. In this particular case, the man Willie McDonald from Texas has been failed by whatever passes for "science" in Texas high schools.

Worse, these uneducated morons cloud up poorly researched journalism and TV programs with their theories about the 'real cause of global warming', or worse, they deny that global warming and climate change are even happening.

It makes me wonder if and when the worst effects of climate change comes to pass what society will do with these morons. I think they will likely either learn to shut their mouths and follow sheepishly along, or somebody else will shut it for them...

Why? Because if the worst does come to pass we're talking about rising sea levels, flooded coastal cities, droughts, desertification of the wheat belt, shortages of food and clean water, wars over food and resources. By that time the patience of people will be worn thin. Naysayer politicians will be beaten bloody in the streets by angry hordes and the non-famous naysayers will suddenly lose their tongues.

I think there will come a time when the effects of climate change become so dire that people will have lost their patience with leaders, oil executives and the coal industry. There will be no more room for arguments about the effects of climate change and what is causing it. The effects will be violent and bloody.

Why will it be bloody? Because stupid people don't have the patience to learn from their mistakes. They answer with action.

The social effects of climate change in the USA will be like watching a Jerry Springer episode. Stupid people killing other stupid people.

The smart people, like Noah and his Ark, will have foreseen what is coming and all moved further inland and found arable land unaffected by climate change or rising sea levels.

FYI: Land in Detroit is really cheap right now.

Gold Diggers at Work

Earlier today I went on a first date (you know, a coffee date) with a girl I met via online personals. She was Russian, very attractive, but when it came time to pay the bill she apparently thought I was treating her (despite the fact that it her idea to have drinks together).

She was apparently so traditional that this was the sole reason why we did not schedule a 2nd date. She didn't provide any other reason...

Thus I am forced to conclude either she was:

A. Honest and just very traditional and used to men who pay for everything.

B. Lying and there was some other reason why she didn't like me.

C. A gold digger.

Now I would like to hope it was A, just because I don't like it when people lie to me, but there is the distinct chance it was C, she is a gold digger and just looking for someone to pay for her way through life.

I should point out that most men hate gold diggers. They just feel used and betrayed if a woman is using them for money.

HOWEVER, I should point out that some men also like gold diggers... but I should note these men are same type who get trophy wives and like prostitutes.

As an artist / writer I am fortunate enough to know that any gold diggers will be sorely disappointed with my finances. Artists / writers aren't exactly known for being wealthy and usually need a second career to make ends meet.

Thus while it would be nice to be rich enough to buy girlfriends expensive $3,000 puppies for their birthdays (ie. Toronto Maltese Puppies are really cute) the fact of the matter is I don't want a lazy girlfriend or wife who is dependent on me... nor is it practical.

Lets imagine you have a high paying executive career. You marry a gold digger. You get in a car accident and are unable to work. Your finances start to run low. Does the gold digger stick with you, through sickness and in health, til death do you part? No, the gold digger divorces your sorry butt, she gets nothing because frankly you aren't working any more due to health reasons and don't have any money to take, and then she is left with no career of her own to fall back on.

Thus marrying a gold digger simply isn't practical, for either of you. Oh sure, she could sell any jewelry you gave her (like the Marilyn Monroe song "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend"), but the end result is she is back at square one.



Madonna's "Material Girl" pays homage to the Marilyn Monroe song, but with an important difference. In the music video she ends up going out with the guy who brought her handpicked daisies.



Part of the whole gold digger phenomenon we could blame on tradition. Traditionally men were the bread winners and women didn't need to have their own career. In modern society its now considered to be more practical if both men and women have their own careers, their own money and they aren't financially beholden to their spouse.

Speaking for myself, I would prefer to go the handpicked daisy route. Not because its cheaper on my wallet, but because at least then I know the woman is being honest, realistic and practical.

Diamonds may be a Girl's Best Friend, but Diamonds won't buy you True Love.

Disciplining your Kids at Work (Part II)

See the older post: Disciplining your Kids at Work to learn more about physical discipline (ie. spanking, ear tugging, etc).

Now regardless of whether you believe in physical discipline (I firmly believe that as a child I needed it and I am thankful my parents used ear tugging and spankings at an early age to get their point across that tomfoolery will not go unpunished).

However at a certain age these kinds of punishments don't work any more. This is something every parent knows.

Thus begins a period of "being grounded", being denied dessert after dinner, not being allowed to watch TV, play on the computer, no talking on the phone, etc. At least these were the punishments I was familiar with being grounded during the 1980s and 1990s.

These days being grounded means being sent to their room where many kids now have their own TV, laptop, cell phone, so "being grounded" isn't really much of a punishment unless the parents also take away those electronic devices. I would argue however that the cell phone is an emergency device and should never be taken away. (But you might start handing the bill to the teenager and let them pay for it so they learn to cut back on their rampant usage.)

I remember once wracking up a huge $1,500 phone bill back in August 1997. Thankfully I was working and could pay for it, but in retrospect that money could have been spent on something else. I learned to discipline my phone usage after that incident.

The thing is self-discipline is a rare thing amongst children. Most children will simply run amok (like the kids in Lord of the Flies) if there is no one to tell them what they can and cannot do.

Case in point.

When I was 14 there was an incident at a gathering of neighbours outside the old Salem School and Church. It was basically a community BBQ and I noticed a bunch of kids bullying another kid, running around hitting each other with sticks. So being one of the older (and therefore more responsible) kids I took their sticks away and threw them over the fence.

Two of the boys went to complain to their father, claiming I had bullied them and/or hit them. The father came over to talk to me, telling me to leave his kids alone and threatening me. (I don't remember the exact words, it was 18 years ago.)

"All I did was take their sticks away and throw them over the fence. If you would discipline your kids this wouldn't be a problem."

At which point he threatened me some more and claimed his kids were perfectly disciplined.

To which I believe my response was "Bullshit. You're not even watching them." and basically berated him about the finer points of discipline, a fact which no doubt embarrassed him in front of his neighbours and he realized there was nothing he could do about it so he made one last threat and stormed away.

And THIS is why people should discipline their kids (whatever your methodology, providing its legal), so that your kids don't embarrass you in public, run amok beating up other kids, burning down churches and/or eventually becoming mass murderers. (Everyone blames the parents when the mass murderer strikes. Sometimes the mass murderer also kills their parents.)

Children should be encouraged to enjoy sports, express their creativity, to read, to show off their ability to learn and their intellect... and discouraged from bad behaviour which will cause trouble and mayhem both in the present and the future.

A neglectful parent is not a proper parent at all. Parenting requires you to actually pay attention to your children. Not paying attention and you reap the consequences.