Valentine's Day at Work

Valentine's Day dates back to the Christian martyr Saint Valentine (or Valentinus). His life and death had nothing to do with love however. Valentinus tried to convert the Emperor of Rome to Christianity and was sentenced to death. He was beaten with clubs, stoned and then beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate in Rome.

Very little is actually known about Valentinus in terms of historical fact.

The concept of celebrating Valentine's Day didn't become popular until Geoffrey Chaucer who promoted the idea of courtly love and romance. Chaucer and other bards of his era created many songs and stories promoting romantic love and propagated the myth of Valentine's Day into its modern celebration of romance.

Valentine's Day is actually a pretty busy for both couples and businesses.

Flower shops, chocolate sales, lingerie sales, etc.

But there are plenty of other things people could be doing on, before or after Valentine's Day if they're feeling romantic.

VALENTINE GIFT/ACTIVITY IDEAS

#1. Dance Classes

Some women go weak at the knees when it comes to dancing, but are too afraid to step on a dance floor in a club. Plus there are plenty of people who are simply afraid of the kind of drama, nonsense, drunkenness and even crime that goes on in modern dance clubs and want something more conventional, less formal and where they can actually learn and have fun. Thus dance classes sounds pretty romantic for most people, even if they have difficulty moving about / are embarrassed about it.



#2. Swimming Pools

Now obviously we can't all afford swimming pools, but swimming together has always been a very romantic thought. Heck, if you want a combination of things you can always just watch the film Dirty Dancing together.

I suppose if you actually had the money you could pull a Clark W. Griswold move and announce you are putting in a swimming pool.

#3. Romantic Artwork

Now this is a personal bias since I am an artist and I happen to paint romantic artwork occasionally, but whatever. I am going to guess that there is a fair amount of people out there who share my belief that artwork makes a great Valentine's Day gift.

Of course there might be men (and even women) out there who are more turned on by power tools and the sounds of heavy machinery in the background.

So if you're the type of person who gets turned on by rigid foam insulation (pun deliberate), wall systems or new patio furniture... well then you don't really need Valentine's Day to feel romantic, do you? You probably get turned on just by hearing the ice cream truck and then start making all sorts of crude jokes about cream.

Or maybe you're a green oriented environmentalist? For all we know you might get turned on by solar power hardware (again, pun deliberate) and solar power Ontario MicroFIT programs and solar manufacturing software.

Or maybe you're a vegan? In which case I recommend beautiful-vegan.com.

I think part of the problem with Valentine's Day is that it sometimes sneaks up on people and they forget what day it is. Same with Groundhog Day and Pancake Day, they come and go so quickly sometimes that you forget about them. February just isn't as well known for holidays as October, December or April are. After all you don't even the day off...

So as men today rush out to buy gifts at the last minute many of them will be going straight to the lingerie store first. (Although seriously, the flower shop probably runs out of supplies faster.)

According to our research the big thing in 2011 is vintage lingerie, so things like push-up bras, suspender garter belts, waist cinchers and pin-up stockings with respect to fashion. Blame Mad Men and the recent upshot of interest in retrofuturism / Steampunk.

And don't forget jewelry, another hot item during Valentine's Day, despite gold prices being more than $1,300 per ounce. And perfume... although seriously, you must be running out of ideas if you buy a girl perfume.

In 2009 Canada's Valentine’s Day floriculture sales (before expenses) was $1.44 billion. Figures for 2010 aren't available yet because not all the shops from 2010 have submitted their income tax info yet.

Cosmetic surgeons, dentists, marriage counsellors, online dating services, even divorce lawyers all report an increase in activity on, before or after Valentine's Day.

But the one I really want to talk about is private investigators.

Apparently Valentine's Day is the busiest day of the year for PIs (business goes up 150% above normal according to one source), due to the number of people cheating on Valentine's Day. Spouses get suspicious, they start thinking of divorce, they hire a PI, and then the next thing you know they're headed to the divorce lawyer.

For fun, go watch Burn After Reading too. Spoiler alert! The bits about the divorce lawyer and private investigators are quite funny.



It makes me wonder what the statistics are for the number of divorces that happen in the months AFTER Valentine's. I mean first you find out they are cheating on you, then you hire a marriage counsellor, then you agree to the divorce, then you have to hire a real estate agent, and a home stager because neither of you wants to live in the house together, and then voila... finally the sale of the house, the division of the spoils of love and war, and its over.

Meanwhile in the United States... Americans are planning to spend an average of $116.21 USD on Valentine's Day, up 11% from last year’s $103 (a sure sign of economic recovery if I ever saw one). [Source: National Retail Federation]

Total Valentine's Day spending is expected to reach $15.7 billion, up from $14.1 billion in 2010, but still lower than pre-recession levels.

In order of significance (2011 polls):

Greeting cards: 52.1%
Jewelry: 17.3% (up from 15.5% in 2010)
Florist: 16.8%

Its difficult to track how much people spend on clothing, flowers, candy etc because prices can vary wildly and could cover everything from cinnamon hearts to red hats.

Interesting fact! Men spend roughly double what women spend on Valentine's. The average man spends $158.71 whereas the average woman spends $75.79.

And oddly enough women are more likely to spend their amount on personal things, like hair salons and grooming.

The age difference is also a big deal. Adults 25 to 34 will spend an average of $189.97 USD, compared to the $60.22 USD that adults 65 and older will spend.

30% of couples are planning to dine out tonight.

$9.3 billion is the expected amount of Valentine’s Day gift spending (not including dinner, transportation, etc) on partners today.

$681 million Valentine’s gift spending on pets (a surprising number of people buy things for their pets today... loneliness maybe?)

*Source: National Retail Federation

See my past post: Valentine's Day Primer

Males can't remember things when sex is involved

According to a new study, men have difficulty remembering things when distracted by sex.

Really?

Tell us something else we already know.

According to the study men are less likely to retain the information relayed to them by sexually attractive news anchors than those deemed less sexually attractive, the new research says.

Basically what is happening is that men are more likely to watch a sexually attractive news anchor - but are less likely to remember what she actually said because he will start daydreaming about sex.

Writing in the journal Communication Research, Indiana University telecommunications professor Maria Elizabeth Grabe and doctoral candidate Lelia Samson explored how the appearance of a female news anchor affects the audience of a news program.

Grabe, a former journalist herself, recalls how in the 1980s female anchors weren’t sexualized the way they are today. Instead it was all about being "as androgynous as possible."

"It was the golden rule: Don’t let the physical - the femininity - don’t let it get in the way of the news," says Grabe. "That was the old way of thinking. And now Lelia and I are watching the news and we’re going, 'Whoa, babes!' "

During their study, the researchers recruited 386 participants: 193 men and women. They used one news anchor (a 24-year-old brunette of “average” weight) and dressed her up in two different ways: as a sexualized anchor, giving her a fitted jacket and skirt to wear, and putting bright red lipstick on her and a necklace; and as an unsexualized anchor, wearing a shapeless, loose-fitting jacket, and no lipstick or necklace.

The rest of the female anchor’s appearance (hair, makeup, etc.) remained the same for both. She read the same five stories as the sexualized anchor and as the unsexualized anchor.

Men were so affected by the physical characteristics of the sexualized anchor, they were unable to retain much of the information she relayed. Grabe and Samson were not surprised.

And frankly who would be?

We all know men's brains turn to mush when they see things that are deemed sexually attractive to them. We don't need any new research to confirm what we already know.

Single Dads at Work

SEX - This article is about the dating life (or lack thereof) of single dads (it has nothing to do with the working habits of single fathers).

According to dating website eHarmony 70% of childless Canadian women seeking love decline to even consider a single father as a possible mate. Is it because they think single dads are damaged goods? Do they just hate children? Are they afraid of becoming a step-mother? Or do they just don't want to help raise what is quite likely a very nice kid, just because its not their own flesh and blood?

And there is actually quite a few single dads out there... all of them with limited love lives because of a combination of work, kid(s) to look after and possibly other obligations.

Some people argue women have an aversion to men with children because they are afraid they won't be the "only person in his life" because the child will require a lot of his attention. ie. the child will often come first.

But in contrast however many Canadian men are open to meeting single mothers. Practically competing with each other to meet them. Well, not exactly... but only 63% declined to meet single moms. That is a much better percentage.

NOTE: eHarmony considers people to be single parents, even if the child lives with someone else. That means that people with children could have their children living in another country or some place reasonably far away, and they would still be considered a parent (and a single one).

The problem is that even if the kid is far away is that people consider children to be extra baggage (as opposed to a perk) when it comes to dating.

ie. Last year I dated a woman who had a 4-year-old son here in Toronto. For me having him around us was troublesome at times (lack of privacy and his penchant for troublemaking), but overall I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and would do it again. I can't wait to be a father.

However on the upside I learned something about myself and my qualities as a possible future parent. Furthermore, dating a person with a child means you learn quickly what kind of person they are (how attentive, responsible, etc) and what kind of parent they will be if the two of you decide to have kids too.

“Watching a man parent his children pulls on my heart strings. The relationship I have with my father is a deeply loving and dynamic bond. To (see) relationships reflective of similar breadth and depth takes my breath away.” - A. DeSylva, a 28-year-old Torontonian who has dated single dads.

If a man is 30 or older doesn't have kids, it raises concerns that he might be 'emotionally unavailable', have various relationship hangups, etc... as opposed to implying he was just cautious and used protection / dated girls with birth control pills.

Thus after the age of 35 if a man doesn't have kids, there might be something wrong with him... or maybe he's just been really cautious, which is a good thing. (Women should be able to tell which after they've bedded the guy.)

“If a prospective suitor in this age bracket doesn't have kids, there's usually a very, very, very good reason,” says A. DeSylva.

According to Patti Henry, a psychotherapist and author of "The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing" these are good signs when dating single dads:

#1. If he is protective of you meeting his children, like not wanting you to meet them until after 3 to 6 months.

#2. If he still hangs out with other adults and not his kids regularly.

#3. If he is wise with his children and still punishes them when they do something bad.

#4. If he doesn't spoil them rotten.

All good signs he could be a very good and loving partner, and not be beholden to his kids all the time. (The same good signs can also be applied to dating single mothers.)

“What these women fail to consider is that the act of fatherhood makes any man kinder, more patient, loving and far less selfish. We're just better guys and better partners for being dads. Why isn't that part of the equation?" - Mitch, a 39-year-old single dad.

Sex Toys at Work

Are you having relationship problems?

Chances are likely the source is in your bed. Meaning you are not satisfying your wife or girlfriend enough. It could be she wants something more.

So before you do anything else (like run out and buy sex toys) you should discuss it with her first, communicate and see if she wants something more in the bedroom. (Hopefully she doesn't want a threesome with another man, because you probably are not into that...)

If she is curious about sex toys (and suddenly shows you her vibrator collection) then you know you have stumbled upon the solution.

Using sex toys in your relationship for getting the maximum pleasure is something that’s becoming more popular - both for married and non-married couples. Sure it is kinky and there is also implied intimacy involved in having sex with sex toys because it is an intimate secret.

But there are a few things that you need to keep in mind provided you wish to make the best use of sex toys for the best pleasure. While these sex toys can actually take your relationship to a different level, you should also be careful. Do it too soon in a relationship and she might think you are some kind of sexual pervert. Using sex toys should be a solution when the relationship is already past its earlier stages and starting to become a bit stale. In other words when the relationship has lost some of its sexual charm and has been going through some problems, then it is time to spice it up.

There are communication gaps between couples and a good sex toy is certainly a good opportunity to mend things by forcing you to communicate more during sex. As such sex toys actually can help a big deal to get things back on track when a couple is not communicating much. When you are introducing the sex toys for the first time in your relationship then it’s advisable to begin slowly. You are actually trying to mend things and not lose them by messing things up more.

As such don't just ram a dildo or vibrator in there in a hurry. Take your time.

Indeed I would argue that before going for the phallic sex toys, try making use of lotions and oils first so that using sex toys becomes easier for you to introduce later on.

Lotions
Oils
Lingerie
Water / Ice Cubes
Water Guns
Etc.

Introducing a third element into your bedroom activities doesn't have to be something big and expensive. A little massage oil (eg. nuru massage oil) and some ice cubes goes a long way. To get the most out of your sex life sometimes "less is more".

It is also not a big deal if you don't communicate your desire to use ice cubes as a sex toy. It is however a big deal if you introduce a massage oil that they are allergic to.

Before you begin, make sure that you have communicated with your partner regarding your intentions so they know you are introducing something new. There should not be any room for confusion and miscommunication. You must put the foundation in place. Use sex toys that are easy to use, especially when you are using it for the first time. Using too complex sex toys might actually frighten / confuse your partner.

However, you must ensure that you are not becoming addicted to using sex toys. It may have a negative impact on your relationship. Relying solely on the third element to boost up the lost passion in your relationship is not advisable at all. There are many kinds of sex toys that are available in the market. You and your partner can make a choice about the kind of sex toys that would be most suitable for both of you.

I also advise against roleplaying, BDSM or crossdressing unless you are BOTH super interested in that sort of thing. Forcing the other person into your weird fetishes is just going to end the relationship even faster.

Black Female Athletes

As far as black female athletes go, how many can you name?

I mean asides from Venus Williams and Serena Williams. That is it. I could only name two.

When I asked a Haitian Canadian woman she listed Flo Jo, the runner - aka Florence Griffith Joyner - who died in 1998. She was able to name 3 (she also listed Venus and Serena).

And that is the thing.

When it comes to female athletes - and especially black female athletes, their names are often left out of our pop culture memories.

I mean there are a lot of black female athletes out there. Including athletes in disciplines not commonly done by African-Americans. Like gymnasts like American gymnast Gabrielle Douglas.

Or Mabel Fairbanks, an African American figure skater. Same goes with Debi Thomas, Surya Bonaly, and Tiffani Tucker.

And doubtless many others deserving of praise, but for whatever reason not recognized by mainstream media - which largely focuses on athletes that are white and male. I am not saying the media is racist or sexist, but they're definitely profit driven and have a very narrow view of what is profitable.

Truth be told I think all sports broadcasting is profitable. The people in charge just haven't realized that it doesn't matter whether we watch male hockey or female hockey, Canadians will watch anything with hockey in it.

Same goes with football. Americans would watch anything with football in it - including women's football.

The same could likely be said for Italians and soccer - because they're crazy about soccer in Italy.

So if you have difficulty naming female athletes, whose fault is that? The athletes? Or the broadcasters who don't think it will be profitable to sell a product people are willing to buy?

If we televised women's hockey, women's archery, women's boxing - I would watch those matches! And I can tell you right now I would not be alone in my thirst to watch women's sporting events.