Car Options at Work

AUTOMOTIVES - When it comes to buying options for a new car the industry is really paying homage to one thing: People, men in particular, are suckers.

Let me explain:

1. Remote Car Starters: Its a gadget that you don't need, and worse the idling actually damages the cylinders in your engine.

2. Fog Lights: If you've ever used them you know they don't even work in fog. Its a misnomer because they're completely useless. Dumb saps however will think they need them.

3. Sunroofs: Oh sure, they look kewl, but the drag on your aerodynamics ruins both your fuel economy and handling. According to experts you're better off running the air conditioner. Worse, they also leak, rattle and the weight fucks up your car's centre of gravity.

4. Leather Upholstery: Sticky in the summer, cold in the winter, slippery all the time, expensive to repair and you will never be able to date that hot vegetarian you met at work.

5. Rear View Mirror Fashions: Dangly decorations in your rear window? Why don't you just crash your car now and save yourself the time when you accidentally get in a fender bender because you had a blind spot in your rear window?

6. Button Ignition: Another gadget for people who like race cars. Complete waste of money and basically for hosers who will basically buy anything that allows them to show off.

7. Paint Protection: Your paint is already high tech, the best the car industry can do. Do you really think some teenager in the service department with a spray can will do better?

8. Undercoating: See point #7. Your car has already had an electrostatic bath, painted several times and baked to prevent rust. Do you think the same kid with a spray can will do better than all that?

9. Rear Spoiler: Unless you're driving 140+ kmph all the time, the rear spoiler doesn't produce enough down force to actually give you any extra grip on the road.

10. Steering Wheel Covers: These things have a nasty habit of ripping, slipping and becoming a nuisance. You're better off just buying driving gloves.

Lets pretend you go out and get a new car from General Motors. For the sake of demonstrating we're going to use the 2010 Corvette as an example, for which the base model costs $67,050 CDN... but if you got all the options, its $142,980 CDN.

And those options include... a shade for your luggage, more memory for your onboard computer, heated seats, telescoping steering column, custom leather interior, 7 speakers for your tunes, remote control/starter so you can start the car and set the temperature/etc from the comfort of your bedroom or office and of course Bluetooth so you can plug it into laptop or iPhone. Otherwise this upgraded version comes with a slightly better motor. You can also get a convertible version.

For approx. the same price as the Corvette with all the options you could get an Aston Martin DB9, a vastly superior car, but without all the extra crap you don't need.

And there's quite a few other cars you could get... that's just an example of what you could get just by NOT buying all the dumb extras.

And I am not saying its just men who fall for the dumb extras. Women do it too sometimes. I'd estimate its the result of ignorance on the part of both men and women... they buy the extras without thinking and it never occurs to them they could get a vastly superior vehicle for the same money they are wasting on "luggage shade" and a remote.

Fast Cars and Testosterone at Work

AUTOMOTIVES - Scientists have discovered that the thrill men feel when they drive a sports car is testosterone. In fact they were able to measure it, comparing the testosterone in men driving a Porsche 911 vs driving a four-door family sedan and determined men feel significantly higher levels of testosterone when driving the Porsche 911.

Like duh. Not really much of a surprise there.

They also tested whether testosterone levels would be different when women were around and determined the presence of a female audience made no difference on testosterone levels. (That was a bit of a surprise.)

Thus they determined that the feeling of power and speed is what causes the testosterone increase, not the availability of women.

This explains why men having a "midlife crisis" are more likely to buy sports cars (ie. Jaguar, Aston Martin, Porshe, etc.) or supercars (Lamboghini, Maserati, Koenigsegg, etc.) because they have lost interest in women and now feel the need to explore something that interests them (and its very difficult to find a man who is NOT remotely interested in engineering speed, power and torque).

High testosterone has been linked to a healthier and more energetic lifestyle. Lower testosterone tends to result in obesity, heart disease, diabetes and depression. Men (over 50) with low testosterone are 33% more likely to die prematurely of health problems.

After testing their saliva they discovered men saw a significant increase in the Porsche. In the old Camry their testosterone levels actually decreased.

Scientists have also determined wearing red boosts testosterone, and thus sports teams wearing red uniforms have a slight advantage because of boosted hormones.

No word yet on whether driving a red car boosts more than a grey car.

Or whether women see any hormonal changes when they drive a fast car.

Or whether driving the Batmobile boosts testosterone levels...

The cars used were a $123,000 CDN Porsche 911 Carrera Cabriolet and a 1993 Toyota Camry family sedan.

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In related news 44% of British drivers apparently talk to their cars whilst driving, including 32% who constantly chatter to their car. Only 25% said they never talked to their cars. Another 25% has a pet name for their car.

The survey also determined women are twice as likely to talk to their car when compared to men.

A Slippery Nipple at Work

ENTERTAINMENT - The Slippery Nipple is a layered cocktail shooter.

• ½ shot of Sambuca
  
• ½ shot of Baileys
  

1. Pour the Sambuca into a conical shot glass.
2. Slowly & carefully pour the Baileys down the side of the glass so that the two liquids do not mix and the Baileys floats atop the Sambuca.
Optional: Place a cherry (the 'nipple') in the bottom of the shot glass before pouring the Sambuca.

Try also Icelandic Ice Tea:

• ½ shot of Vodka
  
• ½ shot of Blue Gin
  
• ½ shot of SourMix (to make it sweeter)
  
• Lots of crushed ice.
  

Mix together in a martini shaker, serve in a tall glass and enjoy.

Icelandic Ice Tea (or simply Iceland Ice Tea) was invented by Charles Moffat and Jeremy Mason.

Now what is the difference between these two drinks? One looks cool because the one liquid floats on top of the other, whereas the other one looks cool to drink because its that wonderful blue colour.

On the other hands the Slippery Nipple also has a sexy sounding name. A lot of cocktails do that... Orgasm, Sex on the Beach, Hanky-Panky, Hairy Virgin, Angel's Tit and so on.

I think its all part and parcel of the long history of alcohol and sex.

In fact a lot of human history can be blamed on alcohol. Not just unintended pregnancies, but also revolutions. The Boston Tea Party for example. With that in mind we can basically blame the formation of the United States of America... on a bunch of angry drunks who got pissed off at the British who dressed up like natives, rowed out to the British ship loaded with tea, and poured it all into the harbour.



And that was just the result of beer, whiskey, rum and gin. Proof that alcohol fuels social change.

Protein Supplements & Creatine at Work

HEALTH - If you've been keeping track you already know I am on a high protein diet as part of my weightlifting regimen. See my past post Hamburgers & Protein at Work for example.

I am also planning to get yoga lessons (to improve my core musculature) and my final goal is to look like a male supermodel (ie. Marcus Schenkenberg).

The thing is however is that in order to put on lots of muscle it helps if you eat the right amount of protein. Its recommended people who are working out regularly to be eating 1 gram of protein for every pound of their target weight. So if you want to weigh 200 lbs of pure muscle you need to ideally be eating 200 grams of protein per day.

That however is trickier than it sounds. Especially if you are on a budget and can't afford to buy meat as much as you want to. If you're a vegetarian you can just forget about it.

Meat (especially fresh meat, not that processed crap) contains creatine, an organic acid which supplies energy to muscle and helps in the production of new muscle tissue. Creatine got it name in 1832 when scientist Michel Eugène Chevreul discovered it and named it after the Greek word for flesh, Kreas.

Because creatine is only found in meat its much more difficult for vegans to grow muscle and they tend to have less energy and stamina in comparison.

Today I went to the Shoppers Drugmart across the road from me to buy some new shampoo (Yeah, Herbal Essences was on sale!) and pick up some Multivitamins.

Across the aisle from the vitamins however I spotted the protein supplements. The big round containers with the flashy logos and shiny packaging. Woooo. Shiny! And better yet they were on sale.

The problem is they all offer the same basic thing "Bulk Up Faster", "Build Muscle Fast", "Scientifically Superior to Other Strength Supplements"... bla bla bla. So how do you choose?

So I picked up some packages and went to talk to a pharmacist. She just kind of looked at me blankly and tried to explain what she knew about it... which wasn't a lot. I wanted to know how it worked and apparently she didn't really know much about protein supplements.

Thus when it came to choosing I just picked the chocolate-flavoured one with 52 grams of protein per serving. Since my target weight is about 180 lbs an extra serving of this every time I workout at the gym would be beneficial. I don't think I am getting enough protein in my diet currently.

I also asked the pharmacist about a package of creatine pills. She didn't really know too much about it either, hence why I had to do some research when I got home (and am now passing that knowledge unto you!).

I did NOT however buy the creatine pills. The package I did buy already contains creatine. I figured I shouldn't really by doubling up on the stuff, plus I wanted to do some more research on the topic before I invested $19.99 on a bottle of pills that I didn't know how they worked.

(I am one of those people who like to disassemble things to see how they work. One of the reasons I love Lego.)

Now the trick is that I don't want to bulk up too much. Sure, I bought the supplement, but that is all it is. A supplement. Extra protein and vitamins because I am not getting enough. I don't want to look like a big bodybuilder. Its too grotesque.

I am much more concerned about not looking like my father did when he was in his 30s and 40s, with a paunch et al. I want to have a body I can be proud of and once I reach that goal maintain it.

And yes, I did take some before pictures. When I reach my goal I will post the before and after photos.

Some People are just Dumb as Bricks

The following discussion applies equally to men and women:

When I was in high school I had a membership in a website in which, if you forgot your password, you could have your password resent to your email address.

Additionally, if you couldn't remember your login you could have that resent too.

I was discussing this marvel (such a new concept when the internet was young) with a friend in the library who couldn't remember his password when a passing moron (who apparently didn't have anything better to do and decided to listen in on our conversation). The moron had this to say:

"But that doesn't mean someone could break into your account if they just resent your login and your password?"

"No, it doesn't work that way."

"Yes it does. You just said you can get the login and password by resending them."

"But then how do you get into the person's email to retrieve them both?"

"Oh."

Hours later I got two emails, one containing my login and a second containing my password. The moron had apparently gone home, remembered my email address from listening to the discussion. He was apparently trying to get into my account but was too dumb as bricks to remember he also needed access to my email.

Days later I smacked him over the back of the head and told him off.

"Hey, don't do that. I'll tell the principal!"

"You mean the vice-principal. The principal doesn't deal with troublemakers. I am sure the VP would be interested to hear you've been trying to break into other people's personal stuff and that you're too dumb to figure out its not possible. At least not possible using the method you did."

"A hacker could do it!"

"Are you a hacker? No. Stop hanging around me loser."

Not the exact words of the conversation, but the general jist of it. Him and his friends tended to follow myself and my friends around. We were the seniors, they the juniors and apparently they had nothing better to do than emulate us older students.

I remembered he bugged me to play cards with him once, in an earlier incident, and he kept cheating because he didn't know the rules. Finally I decided to leave and go to class and swore I would never play cards (or anything else) with him ever again. So if you're wondering why I was rude to the moron its because he kept following us around.

Thinking back about that idiot I have to wonder if that he ever got into college or university. If he did it would be proof that entrance standards are shockingly low and that any moron can get in.

Judging from my two degrees and 6 years in university, yes, quite a few morons do get in.

I remember I was dating a girl in 3rd year of university and her roommate was a fashionista. She went to a fashion show and came back yapping on about how the models would strike a pose at the end of the catwalk and how "it was so avant-garde!"

What she actually meant to say was that it was a cliché, but she didn't know the difference between avant-garde and cliché.

cliché = its been done before so many times its considered lame.
avant-garde = its never been done before.

And neither I nor my girlfriend at the time bothered to explain the difference to her. We had both dealt with our share of morons before and trying to explain things to them was about as effective as banging your head against a wall.

You'd think someone would come up with some kind of test similar to SATs or an IQ test that would allow universities to screen out the rejects more thoroughly. Oh well, I guess some people just get in on money alone and some kind of semblance of good grades.

I think some teachers take pity on students and artificially raise their grades. It creates a series of lowered standards and eventually those students end up in universities where they are much more likely to drop out when they run into professors who DO NOT take pity on them.

Like the morons who hire other people to write their essays for them while they go out and party, smoke pot and snort cocaine. Its sad because these are the type of people who manage to weasel their way into powerful high paying jobs somehow. ie. George W. Bush or the executives that worked at Enron.

What is also sad is that Canada and the United States need to be training more scientists (engineers, physicists, chemists, biologists, doctors, the works!) in order to keep up with other countries internationally. Technology wise we are slipping in our ability to stay competitive.

That problem is two-fold:

#1. We seem to be letting too many morons study whatever they feel like.

#2. We have too many programs/fields that are interesting to the more nerdy people and cause them to enter a different field of expertise which is ultimately useless (ie. studying Klingon in university). Seriously, what is someone going to accomplish in life with a degree in Klingon? Impress Worf? Not bloody likely.

Would it be so hard to increase university standards so we make sure we're not wasting teaching time on people who frequently drop out anyway? Or cut funding to some of the programs which are draining our more technologically inclined?

And why does it cost extra to study engineering? That is a highly valuable skill and we always need more engineers. We should be lowering tuition costs to engineering programs to make it more affordable for the people who are faced with a dilemna: Klingon (or some equally useless degree) or Engineering? Well... Klingon is cheaper so I guess that will have to do...

Maybe there's something in the water that makes so many people in North America brain dead? Are we not testing the water for lead poisoning any more? Or is there just way too many people smoking pot and snorting coke (and then having kids) that our society is just going downhill quickly due to a combination of drugs and lack of education?

We need more discipline and vigilance when it comes to educating the leaders of tomorrow.