Classical Music at Work

ENTERTAINMENT - Most men (and I apologize to anyone who really enjoys classical music) thinks that classical music is, essentially, gay.

This is a common misconception, perpetuated by ignorant males who really don't have a clue what they are talking about.

In our modern era of rock stars wearing tight leather pants (frankly, that sounds way more gay to me) for some silly reason a bunch of men and women in a classical orchestra playing music that was composed centuries ago is considered "rather fruity".

HOWEVER lets stop and consider the actual music being played... most of it doesn't sound remotely "gay".

Consider the following scores:
Hall of the Mountain King (by Edvard Grieg)
Ride of the Valkyries (by Richard Wagner)

Such music is played by American troops heading into a war zone because they like freaking out the enemy with the sheer massive quality to the music. (See the scene from the Vietnam War film "Apocalypse Now".)



The fact is classical music is used a lot in films, especially in explosion scenes because it is such exciting music. See the explosion scene below from "V for Vendetta".



When I was young I listened to classical music regularly. I found a record in my parents' record collection called "Royal Philharmonic Orchestra : Hooked On Classics: 1982" and I was instantly addicted to listening to it because it was such EXCITING & EXHILARATING MUSIC. It made me hyper just listening to it, faster than 4 cans of Coca-Cola on a seven-year-old.

And its not limited to myself or films... classical music is also rampant in the video game industry because its ideal as background music and there's no copyright on it. These days the video game industry is bigger than the global film industry and as such there are gamers out there who are daily listening to classical music whilst slaying computer generated orcs and dragons.

Small surprise, but classical music is now seeing a revival in sales (both on CD and digital downloads such as iTunes).

Even classical orchestras are seeing new people coming out to see their performances (if you live in Toronto, try Mooredale Concerts). Mooredale has a philosophy that "classical music is for everyone" because it is gender neutral and because there is no lyrics it crosses any language barriers.

Conclusions? Classical music has always been associated with the culturally elite (not necessarily rich, simply for people who are often more educated about the history of music)... but there is no reason regular people can't appreciate it. Try listening to the medley video below and see how many of the different scores you recognize:



See Also:
Is High Culture making a comeback in 2010?

Bullies at School (and at Work)

CANADA/HEALTH - According to a new study Canada has some of the worst bullies in the world. At least insofar as our schools are concerned. The study by Queen's University in conjunction with the World Health Organization documented both bullies and victims of bullies and the bullying methods used in 40 different countries.

Boys face homophobic slurs, insults, verbal and physical abuse, to say nothing of emotional trauma that will haunt their self confidence for years to come and in many cases leads to depression, suicide attempts and violent behaviour.

Girls are no less humiliated either, but methods girls use to bully each other differs slightly.

The victims of bullying (regardless of gender) often end up cutting themselves and contemplating / attempting suicide. They also tend to become more shy, despondent, develop phobias of school or meeting new people, their marks slide and they end up wholly traumatized by the experience.

Author's Note: Having been bullied myself I know these things to be true. I still get upset just thinking of past instances from my own high school years.

The problem in Canada is that many school administrators do several things:

#1. They think its a problem that will go away with time and that there will be no lasting harm.

#2. They think it would take too much effort to enact anti-bullying policies, or that such policies could make problems worse.

In the United States however bullying is taken VERY seriously. In a country that averages a mass school shooting every 3-4 months there is a constant effort to prevent or put a halt to bullying, for fear that "Your School could be the next Columbine".

In Canada this lack of support in the schools' administration results in bullies basically running the place, getting away "Scot-free" with whatever antics they feel like. This is the reason why Canada is ranked the 5th worst country for bullies in schools out of the 40 countries polled.

• 14% of Canadian boys report being physically bullied.
  
• 30% of Canadian boys report verbal / psychological bullying.

Currently the status quo for punishing bullies is to suspend the offending student for 1-3 days. Afterwards the bully returns and due to lack of teacher supervision the bullying frequently becomes worse. (So going back to point #2 above, yes, band-aid solutions do make the problem worse, but it doesn't mean there isn't a good solution.)

The province of Ontario (where approx. 33% of all Canadian school children live) has taken steps in recent years like the Safe Schools Act and a training program that has thus far trained 25,000 teachers and 7,000 principals in how to address/prevent bullying. And this week is "Bullying Awareness Week", something which many schools take part in.

But if you look at the statistics for bullying incidents you see the it hasn't dropped, but has remained relatively steady. Anti-bullying group PREVNet (Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence Network) says there is little evidence that above measures have done anything, once again its just a band-aid solution.

You have to wonder what this "training program" for teachers really involves. Its likely just a weekend where teachers gather, talk about different ways to deal with bullies, eat lunch together and get a stamped certificate at the end proving they were there. Afterwards they make up their own mind on how to deal with bullies instead of following any kind of protocol.

That is a key problem. The current protocol (or lack thereof) doesn't work because administrators/teachers are not investigating allegations of bullying and are instead preferring to sweep it under the rug and ignore it.

Here is a solution for you...

Make it a CRIME.

If 14% of Canadian boys are being physically bullied and abused, that is ASSAULT. It is already a crime as far as the law is concerned, the problem is that school administrators have a strong tendency to turn a blind eye to bullying and either give the bully a "slap on the wrist" or give a suspension (Woohoo, 1-3 days of no school!), which is hardly a punishment.

If it was treated as a crime and bullies received criminal records (and possibly time in juvenile hall or the threat of jail) then they would be more likely to be scared shitless of getting in trouble again. (After all, if you go to juvenile hall you frequently are no longer the bully, but become the victim. There's always someone who is bigger than you are.)

Now I admit treating bullying as a crime is a lot more time consuming, but so is trying to teach students who are traumatized. They're distracted and despondent, too stressed about the bullies in their life to worry about school work. The students who don't suffer from bullies inherently have better marks (and less sick days from trying to avoid a bully).

An effective solution to bullying will doubtlessly raise the grade average of students and result in happier and more productive students.

The countries polled with the least amount of bullies (Norway, Sweden and England) have strong policies in place and they are under constant evaluation for improvement. What we need in Canada therefore is to adopt identical policies and protocols and FOLLOW THEM. Don't ignore them at your leisure.

After all its not just students who were shot in the Columbine massacre, it was teachers too. For their own safety teachers need to be taking bullying more seriously.

And FYI, on a per capita basis Canada has had more school shooting fatalities than the USA. Remember the Killer Goth in Montreal in September 2006? Or the C. W. Jefferys Collegiate shooting in May 2007? Or the Bendale Business and Technical Institute shooting in September 2008? Apparently Canada averages a school shooting every year, which when you consider our population is one 10th of the USA's that is a pretty high rate.

High Fantasy at Work

ENTERTAINMENT - A couple of months ago the National Toy Hall of Fame in Rochester, New York introduced the stick to its walls. According to Christopher Bensch, the museum's curator:

"It's very open-ended, all-natural, the perfect price -- there aren't any rules or instructions for its use. It can be a Wild West horse, a medieval knight's sword, a boat on a stream or a slingshot with a rubber band. ... No snowman is complete without a couple of stick arms, and every campfire needs a stick for toasting marshmallows.

"This toy is so fantastic that it's not just for humans anymore. You can find otters, chimps and dogs -- especially dogs -- playing with it."

The stick is essentially a toy for the imagination. Its not long before its being wielded as a gun or a sword, which is the basis for today's post.

For children and travelers no one was without their trusty walking stick, that weapon and tool that defied breaking (because they had repeatedly smashed stick against stick until they had the strongest one left).

Human warfare evolved from the stick. It was our spears and our clubs, the very concept of which went onto the making of maces and swords, and even arrows for our bows and bolts for our crossbows. Even the basic shape of the crossbow and the stick is part of modern rifles, positioned to be an extension of our arms rather than our eyes which we aim with.

Even our flagpoles are representational of the flags that once hung from spears and lances.

In addition to weapons our folklore, legends and mythology evolved with it:

Zeus with his lightning javelins.

Poseidon with his trident.

Lancelot with his lance.

Beowulf, Siegfriend/Sigurd, King Arthur, Conan, knights, samurai, pirates, adventurers of all stripes with their swords.

Luke Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader with their lightsabers.

Even James Bond wields a sword in "Die Another Day", the last installment with Pierce Brosnan as Bond. Our modern entertainment is full of examples of sword bearing vigilantes (Christian Bale in Batman Begins, Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction, Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, Gerard Butler in 300, Viggo Mortensen in The Lord of the Rings trilogy)...

Yes, sword and sorcery is indeed alive and strong in our modern mythos.

There is even rumours of a new Conan movie to come out in either 2010 or 2011, possibly starring Hugh Jackman as the original swordbuckling adventurer created by Robert E. Howard (as opposed to the dim-witted, sometimes drunk version by director/writer John Milius from the 1982 film). The original Conan stories depict a Cimmerian warrior who was never sold into slavery, but chose a life of travel and adventure, leaving his home to find work as a mercenary and a thief, eventually becoming a warlord, a leader, an usurper and a king.

True, Conan was tall and muscular in the stories, but Arnold Schwarzenegger took it to new extremes (Lets face it, Arnie is huge!). The new film will be gritty like Batman Begins and Casino Royale, bringing the character back to his beginnings and this time to be true to Howard's Conan stories rather than the bastardized Milius version.

I digress.

The point of all this is how symbolic fantasy swordplay is both in terms of modern entertainment, and also in terms of part of our collective cultural mythology. As a boy I played with swords almost EVERY day. I grew up with quite a collection of sticks which were my swords at the time, swordfighting with my best friend or my sister was one of my favourite activities even well into my teen years. At the age of 12 I was writing stories about pirates and by the age of 15 I was writing full length high fantasy novels set in an alternate world with minotaurs / etc. Even now I still write stories regularly (see fiction.charlesmoffat.com) and I've developed a fairly large collection of real swords, preferring the more practical or historical swords vs the grotesque fantasy swords. (If anyone has a saber from the American Civil War, I am looking to buy one.)

Lets stop and define what high fantasy is:

High Fantasy: Alternate World where magic and/or monsters exist. ie. The Forgotten Realms, Krynn, Hyborean Earth, Middle Earth, Narnia or even the sub-world of Harry Potter. The plot is often something epic and huge, like a war between the evil dragons and the good dragons (the plot of Dragonlance).

Low Fantasy: Takes place on Earth, but with fantasy elements introduced. ie. Clash of the Titans, Beowulf, Siegfried/Sigurd, King Arthur, etc. Even Star Wars counts as low fantasy because it supposedly takes place in our universe, uses a fantasy tagline (a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away), it has magic (the Force) and the heroes wield "magical" swords (lightsabers). Star Wars is not actually Science Fiction because there is no attempt to explain how lightsabers or hyperspace travel actually works. The plot of Low Fantasy can be either epic or it can be more personal.

Sword and Sorcery: Fast paced, character driven plot, often between the swordbuckling adventurer and some evil wizard, monster or demon as the central villain. Samurai Jack is an excellent example, wherein he must defeat the oni demon Aku. Conan is the original "Sword and Sorcery" hero, wherein the term was coined shortly after the introduction of the character is the pulp magazine "Weird Tales".

SWORDS IN MODERN CULTURE

Anyone who is into Freudian psychology will of course point out that swords are phallic symbols and a manifestation of the male ego. Well duh! LOTS of things are phallic shaped simply because its an universal geometric shape, but that is not the be-all-end-all of their meaning. Swords are also cultural symbols, often worn these days for ceremony as opposed to actual use. Maces too, especially in parliamentary proceedings, have ceremonial purposes.

If you go over to South Korea, Japan or various other Asian countries you might also see guards standing outside embassies carrying katanas (and sometimes wakizashis too) instead of rifles, and in this case they're actually meant to be used. So depending where you go swords still have a practical purpose because its considered a less lethal way of defending a building (and unlike guns you don't have to worry about running out of bullets).

And if you go to various Middle Eastern countries there are places that still have public beheadings with swords. Saudi Arabia (allies with the United States) still has public executions using swords.

Saddam Hussein (before he was captured and eventually hanged obviously) once owned quite a collection of swords, had various public sculptures of swords made and even wrote a low fantasy novel called "Zabibah and the King". The book was so popular in pre-invasion Iraq that a 20 episode TV series was based off the book (although one can be certain Hussein ordered the TV series made, knowing Iraq's adult literacy rate was approx. 70%).

Not that Saddam Hussein is alone in this. George W. Bush also has a collection of swords. They are after all both men who were war leaders.




Where would warfare be without swords? True, we don't use swords in actual war any more. Nor do we use spears, lances or bows (despite the latest Rambo flick). Its certainly a far cry from Napoleon's era when swords still had a place alongside rifles, bayonets and canons because warfare was often close combat.

Again I digress.

Now to my final point, the difference between men and women. Women, generally speaking, are a bit bored by the whole swords, bows and spears obsession men have. As such there isn't a lot of women lining up to read fantasy books, watch fantasy movies... likely because fantasy typically caters to the macho male ideal (big muscular men rescuing damsels in distress).

There really is a short list of commonly known female heroines who wield swords: Atalanta (Greek myth), Joan of Arc (Catholic Saint), Xena Warrior Princess, Laurana (Dragonlance), The Bride/Beatrix in 'Kill Bill', Arwen (The Lord of the Rings) and Elizabeth Swann (Pirates of the Caribbean). You might be able to think of others, but suffice to say the list is short.

Part of this might not be the culture already present, but also a question of parenting. Some parents choose to send their daughters to ballet, figure skating, teaching them to sew, cook or things we consider to be more domestic or feminine. (Teehee, Conan the Ballet Dancer.)

Lastly there's also the fact fantasy is identified typically as being either European, Arabic or Asian, despite ample myths and legends to be found in Africa or the Americas which could be used as the base for a new genre of fantasy fiction.

Conclusions: With the rise of online games/MMORPGs like Dungeons & Dragons Online, Conan: The Hyborean Age or World of Warcraft there is no doubt fantasy is going to be growing in popularity in the years to come, but it also needs to grow by expanding the genre so its more accessible to other cultures and women.

Remember Zula (the character played by Grace Jones in "Conan the Destroyer")? That was a deliberate attempt by the writers to create a character that more people could identify with. Admittedly it was tokenism, but the idea was there at least.

My advice? Don't see fantasy as being androcentric or Eurocentric, think of it as an opportunity to create something new.

Or alternatively there's no shortage of myths about women that could be reintroduced to the modern mythos by making a new version of them. All it takes is a little research and then you can rewrite the old stories, or make up new stories to fill in the gaps.

The Teenage Brain at Work

HEALTH - The teenage brain is a stage of growth and cerebral reorganization. Teens see major changes in their frontal cortex, and this is equally true for both women and men.

The cortex is the outer layer of the brain and is the most sophisticated part of the brain. The frontal cortex is where our highest-level thinking and analysis take place.

During the teen years and early adulthood (up to the early 30s) this part of the brain grows lots of white matter in the form of myelin. Myelin is a fatty layer that insulates nerve fibres so they can communicate more quickly with less interference. The more myelin insulation the more efficiently the brain cells work.

Teenage brains also lose synapses (connections) among nerve cells. This pruning process is critical to making the brain's functions more swift and powerful. During this time the teenage brain develops the ability to think abstractly and discover how complex systems work. Thus teens and young adults learn both broadly and deeply, often mastering a topic they care and becoming an expert in it in a relatively short amount of time.

Thus these early years don't really benefit from memorizing meaningless facts (ie. history class), but learn faster by doing and becoming experts at making/fixing things. Its a more creative time in human development.

Thus teenagers often seek to express themselves and their unique identity. Social interaction and communication becomes very important, which explains the popularity of instant messaging, Facebook and cell phones amongst young people.

The Common Cold at Work

HEALTH - If this is by accident my last post ever its because I have all the symptoms of swine flu (H1N1 is actually an hybrid of North American swine influenza, Asian swine influenza, avian influenza and human influenza) and might die from it. If not then its just the common cold (or it was the swine flu but I hopefully manage to survive it).

I actually think it would be kewl if it was swine flu just so I could brag about being a swine flu survivor and be one of the lucky 89% or so who only has mild symptoms (as opposed to the 11% who get seriously ill and the 0.5% who die).

So technically my chance of dying is very little. Only marginally worse than the normal flu if truth be told (yes, the normal influenza kills seniors/children and people with poor immune systems regularly).

NEVERTHELESS, I am going to explain how I combat the Common Cold:

#1. Lots of salt and acid in my diet. Germs don't like acidic things like apple juice, orange juice, any kind of citrus fruit, salty foods, salt & vinegar potato chips, fish & chips with lots of extra salt, drinks with lots of sodium in it (ie. Gatorade or Powerade). This list includes Neo-Citron.

#2. Eat a lot. Your body is a very efficient machine and if you have loss of appetite you need to combat that by eating lots. Unless you have a stomach flu and keep throwing up you need to force yourself to eat and snack often. You should definitely have a large snack about an hour or two before bed.

#3. Cleanliness. I think a lot of sick people tend to crawl into bed and just watch TV a lot. My advice is to get out of bed, take a shower, a bath, brush your teeth several times per day, wash your hair, wash your hands constantly. I find the mere act of brushing my teeth and showering makes me feel a lot better and healthier. I recommend a toothpaste with an antibacterial agent in it. The same goes for hands soaps/etc.

#4. Sleep, but don't overdo it. Only sleep if you really feel exhausted. If you're just sick and feeling lazy you don't need to turn into a big baby. I admit we men tend to do this when sick (its an excuse to be lazy and by gosh I am going to use it to full advantage!), but its not actually the best thing for you. Granted, you shouldn't be out going to the gym or mountain climbing, but you should be able to do light activity like cooking some soup and taking care of yourself.

DON'TS

#1. Don't drink alcohol. It may work a bit as a painkiller, but alcohol weakens your immune system. It does way more harm to your immune system for a 24 hour period after drinking and the painkilling effect only lasts a couple hours.

#2. Don't smoke or ingest anything toxic. This is a no brainer. If you can't follow this advice, well, you remember what Darwin said about Natural Selection?

#3. Don't go out. If you do have swine flu its recommended you isolate yourself for a period of 5 days. 2-3 days if its just the regular flu.

#4. Don't ignore your symptoms if they get worse and start have difficulty breathing. See a physician ASAP.

Swine Flu kills people due to respiratory failure or complications with other health problems. If you encounter problems breathing you should consult a doctor soon.

Feel free to check back later to see how long my cold lasted and whether I survived. Presumably I will because I am very aggressive when it comes to fighting a cold.

Car Options at Work

AUTOMOTIVES - When it comes to buying options for a new car the industry is really paying homage to one thing: People, men in particular, are suckers.

Let me explain:

1. Remote Car Starters: Its a gadget that you don't need, and worse the idling actually damages the cylinders in your engine.

2. Fog Lights: If you've ever used them you know they don't even work in fog. Its a misnomer because they're completely useless. Dumb saps however will think they need them.

3. Sunroofs: Oh sure, they look kewl, but the drag on your aerodynamics ruins both your fuel economy and handling. According to experts you're better off running the air conditioner. Worse, they also leak, rattle and the weight fucks up your car's centre of gravity.

4. Leather Upholstery: Sticky in the summer, cold in the winter, slippery all the time, expensive to repair and you will never be able to date that hot vegetarian you met at work.

5. Rear View Mirror Fashions: Dangly decorations in your rear window? Why don't you just crash your car now and save yourself the time when you accidentally get in a fender bender because you had a blind spot in your rear window?

6. Button Ignition: Another gadget for people who like race cars. Complete waste of money and basically for hosers who will basically buy anything that allows them to show off.

7. Paint Protection: Your paint is already high tech, the best the car industry can do. Do you really think some teenager in the service department with a spray can will do better?

8. Undercoating: See point #7. Your car has already had an electrostatic bath, painted several times and baked to prevent rust. Do you think the same kid with a spray can will do better than all that?

9. Rear Spoiler: Unless you're driving 140+ kmph all the time, the rear spoiler doesn't produce enough down force to actually give you any extra grip on the road.

10. Steering Wheel Covers: These things have a nasty habit of ripping, slipping and becoming a nuisance. You're better off just buying driving gloves.

Lets pretend you go out and get a new car from General Motors. For the sake of demonstrating we're going to use the 2010 Corvette as an example, for which the base model costs $67,050 CDN... but if you got all the options, its $142,980 CDN.

And those options include... a shade for your luggage, more memory for your onboard computer, heated seats, telescoping steering column, custom leather interior, 7 speakers for your tunes, remote control/starter so you can start the car and set the temperature/etc from the comfort of your bedroom or office and of course Bluetooth so you can plug it into laptop or iPhone. Otherwise this upgraded version comes with a slightly better motor. You can also get a convertible version.

For approx. the same price as the Corvette with all the options you could get an Aston Martin DB9, a vastly superior car, but without all the extra crap you don't need.

And there's quite a few other cars you could get... that's just an example of what you could get just by NOT buying all the dumb extras.

And I am not saying its just men who fall for the dumb extras. Women do it too sometimes. I'd estimate its the result of ignorance on the part of both men and women... they buy the extras without thinking and it never occurs to them they could get a vastly superior vehicle for the same money they are wasting on "luggage shade" and a remote.

Fast Cars and Testosterone at Work

AUTOMOTIVES - Scientists have discovered that the thrill men feel when they drive a sports car is testosterone. In fact they were able to measure it, comparing the testosterone in men driving a Porsche 911 vs driving a four-door family sedan and determined men feel significantly higher levels of testosterone when driving the Porsche 911.

Like duh. Not really much of a surprise there.

They also tested whether testosterone levels would be different when women were around and determined the presence of a female audience made no difference on testosterone levels. (That was a bit of a surprise.)

Thus they determined that the feeling of power and speed is what causes the testosterone increase, not the availability of women.

This explains why men having a "midlife crisis" are more likely to buy sports cars (ie. Jaguar, Aston Martin, Porshe, etc.) or supercars (Lamboghini, Maserati, Koenigsegg, etc.) because they have lost interest in women and now feel the need to explore something that interests them (and its very difficult to find a man who is NOT remotely interested in engineering speed, power and torque).

High testosterone has been linked to a healthier and more energetic lifestyle. Lower testosterone tends to result in obesity, heart disease, diabetes and depression. Men (over 50) with low testosterone are 33% more likely to die prematurely of health problems.

After testing their saliva they discovered men saw a significant increase in the Porsche. In the old Camry their testosterone levels actually decreased.

Scientists have also determined wearing red boosts testosterone, and thus sports teams wearing red uniforms have a slight advantage because of boosted hormones.

No word yet on whether driving a red car boosts more than a grey car.

Or whether women see any hormonal changes when they drive a fast car.

Or whether driving the Batmobile boosts testosterone levels...

The cars used were a $123,000 CDN Porsche 911 Carrera Cabriolet and a 1993 Toyota Camry family sedan.

---

In related news 44% of British drivers apparently talk to their cars whilst driving, including 32% who constantly chatter to their car. Only 25% said they never talked to their cars. Another 25% has a pet name for their car.

The survey also determined women are twice as likely to talk to their car when compared to men.

A Slippery Nipple at Work

ENTERTAINMENT - The Slippery Nipple is a layered cocktail shooter.

• ½ shot of Sambuca
  
• ½ shot of Baileys
  

1. Pour the Sambuca into a conical shot glass.
2. Slowly & carefully pour the Baileys down the side of the glass so that the two liquids do not mix and the Baileys floats atop the Sambuca.
Optional: Place a cherry (the 'nipple') in the bottom of the shot glass before pouring the Sambuca.

Try also Icelandic Ice Tea:

• ½ shot of Vodka
  
• ½ shot of Blue Gin
  
• ½ shot of SourMix (to make it sweeter)
  
• Lots of crushed ice.
  

Mix together in a martini shaker, serve in a tall glass and enjoy.

Icelandic Ice Tea (or simply Iceland Ice Tea) was invented by Charles Moffat and Jeremy Mason.

Now what is the difference between these two drinks? One looks cool because the one liquid floats on top of the other, whereas the other one looks cool to drink because its that wonderful blue colour.

On the other hands the Slippery Nipple also has a sexy sounding name. A lot of cocktails do that... Orgasm, Sex on the Beach, Hanky-Panky, Hairy Virgin, Angel's Tit and so on.

I think its all part and parcel of the long history of alcohol and sex.

In fact a lot of human history can be blamed on alcohol. Not just unintended pregnancies, but also revolutions. The Boston Tea Party for example. With that in mind we can basically blame the formation of the United States of America... on a bunch of angry drunks who got pissed off at the British who dressed up like natives, rowed out to the British ship loaded with tea, and poured it all into the harbour.



And that was just the result of beer, whiskey, rum and gin. Proof that alcohol fuels social change.

Protein Supplements & Creatine at Work

HEALTH - If you've been keeping track you already know I am on a high protein diet as part of my weightlifting regimen. See my past post Hamburgers & Protein at Work for example.

I am also planning to get yoga lessons (to improve my core musculature) and my final goal is to look like a male supermodel (ie. Marcus Schenkenberg).

The thing is however is that in order to put on lots of muscle it helps if you eat the right amount of protein. Its recommended people who are working out regularly to be eating 1 gram of protein for every pound of their target weight. So if you want to weigh 200 lbs of pure muscle you need to ideally be eating 200 grams of protein per day.

That however is trickier than it sounds. Especially if you are on a budget and can't afford to buy meat as much as you want to. If you're a vegetarian you can just forget about it.

Meat (especially fresh meat, not that processed crap) contains creatine, an organic acid which supplies energy to muscle and helps in the production of new muscle tissue. Creatine got it name in 1832 when scientist Michel Eugène Chevreul discovered it and named it after the Greek word for flesh, Kreas.

Because creatine is only found in meat its much more difficult for vegans to grow muscle and they tend to have less energy and stamina in comparison.

Today I went to the Shoppers Drugmart across the road from me to buy some new shampoo (Yeah, Herbal Essences was on sale!) and pick up some Multivitamins.

Across the aisle from the vitamins however I spotted the protein supplements. The big round containers with the flashy logos and shiny packaging. Woooo. Shiny! And better yet they were on sale.

The problem is they all offer the same basic thing "Bulk Up Faster", "Build Muscle Fast", "Scientifically Superior to Other Strength Supplements"... bla bla bla. So how do you choose?

So I picked up some packages and went to talk to a pharmacist. She just kind of looked at me blankly and tried to explain what she knew about it... which wasn't a lot. I wanted to know how it worked and apparently she didn't really know much about protein supplements.

Thus when it came to choosing I just picked the chocolate-flavoured one with 52 grams of protein per serving. Since my target weight is about 180 lbs an extra serving of this every time I workout at the gym would be beneficial. I don't think I am getting enough protein in my diet currently.

I also asked the pharmacist about a package of creatine pills. She didn't really know too much about it either, hence why I had to do some research when I got home (and am now passing that knowledge unto you!).

I did NOT however buy the creatine pills. The package I did buy already contains creatine. I figured I shouldn't really by doubling up on the stuff, plus I wanted to do some more research on the topic before I invested $19.99 on a bottle of pills that I didn't know how they worked.

(I am one of those people who like to disassemble things to see how they work. One of the reasons I love Lego.)

Now the trick is that I don't want to bulk up too much. Sure, I bought the supplement, but that is all it is. A supplement. Extra protein and vitamins because I am not getting enough. I don't want to look like a big bodybuilder. Its too grotesque.

I am much more concerned about not looking like my father did when he was in his 30s and 40s, with a paunch et al. I want to have a body I can be proud of and once I reach that goal maintain it.

And yes, I did take some before pictures. When I reach my goal I will post the before and after photos.

Some People are just Dumb as Bricks

The following discussion applies equally to men and women:

When I was in high school I had a membership in a website in which, if you forgot your password, you could have your password resent to your email address.

Additionally, if you couldn't remember your login you could have that resent too.

I was discussing this marvel (such a new concept when the internet was young) with a friend in the library who couldn't remember his password when a passing moron (who apparently didn't have anything better to do and decided to listen in on our conversation). The moron had this to say:

"But that doesn't mean someone could break into your account if they just resent your login and your password?"

"No, it doesn't work that way."

"Yes it does. You just said you can get the login and password by resending them."

"But then how do you get into the person's email to retrieve them both?"

"Oh."

Hours later I got two emails, one containing my login and a second containing my password. The moron had apparently gone home, remembered my email address from listening to the discussion. He was apparently trying to get into my account but was too dumb as bricks to remember he also needed access to my email.

Days later I smacked him over the back of the head and told him off.

"Hey, don't do that. I'll tell the principal!"

"You mean the vice-principal. The principal doesn't deal with troublemakers. I am sure the VP would be interested to hear you've been trying to break into other people's personal stuff and that you're too dumb to figure out its not possible. At least not possible using the method you did."

"A hacker could do it!"

"Are you a hacker? No. Stop hanging around me loser."

Not the exact words of the conversation, but the general jist of it. Him and his friends tended to follow myself and my friends around. We were the seniors, they the juniors and apparently they had nothing better to do than emulate us older students.

I remembered he bugged me to play cards with him once, in an earlier incident, and he kept cheating because he didn't know the rules. Finally I decided to leave and go to class and swore I would never play cards (or anything else) with him ever again. So if you're wondering why I was rude to the moron its because he kept following us around.

Thinking back about that idiot I have to wonder if that he ever got into college or university. If he did it would be proof that entrance standards are shockingly low and that any moron can get in.

Judging from my two degrees and 6 years in university, yes, quite a few morons do get in.

I remember I was dating a girl in 3rd year of university and her roommate was a fashionista. She went to a fashion show and came back yapping on about how the models would strike a pose at the end of the catwalk and how "it was so avant-garde!"

What she actually meant to say was that it was a cliché, but she didn't know the difference between avant-garde and cliché.

cliché = its been done before so many times its considered lame.
avant-garde = its never been done before.

And neither I nor my girlfriend at the time bothered to explain the difference to her. We had both dealt with our share of morons before and trying to explain things to them was about as effective as banging your head against a wall.

You'd think someone would come up with some kind of test similar to SATs or an IQ test that would allow universities to screen out the rejects more thoroughly. Oh well, I guess some people just get in on money alone and some kind of semblance of good grades.

I think some teachers take pity on students and artificially raise their grades. It creates a series of lowered standards and eventually those students end up in universities where they are much more likely to drop out when they run into professors who DO NOT take pity on them.

Like the morons who hire other people to write their essays for them while they go out and party, smoke pot and snort cocaine. Its sad because these are the type of people who manage to weasel their way into powerful high paying jobs somehow. ie. George W. Bush or the executives that worked at Enron.

What is also sad is that Canada and the United States need to be training more scientists (engineers, physicists, chemists, biologists, doctors, the works!) in order to keep up with other countries internationally. Technology wise we are slipping in our ability to stay competitive.

That problem is two-fold:

#1. We seem to be letting too many morons study whatever they feel like.

#2. We have too many programs/fields that are interesting to the more nerdy people and cause them to enter a different field of expertise which is ultimately useless (ie. studying Klingon in university). Seriously, what is someone going to accomplish in life with a degree in Klingon? Impress Worf? Not bloody likely.

Would it be so hard to increase university standards so we make sure we're not wasting teaching time on people who frequently drop out anyway? Or cut funding to some of the programs which are draining our more technologically inclined?

And why does it cost extra to study engineering? That is a highly valuable skill and we always need more engineers. We should be lowering tuition costs to engineering programs to make it more affordable for the people who are faced with a dilemna: Klingon (or some equally useless degree) or Engineering? Well... Klingon is cheaper so I guess that will have to do...

Maybe there's something in the water that makes so many people in North America brain dead? Are we not testing the water for lead poisoning any more? Or is there just way too many people smoking pot and snorting coke (and then having kids) that our society is just going downhill quickly due to a combination of drugs and lack of education?

We need more discipline and vigilance when it comes to educating the leaders of tomorrow.

21 Ways to Please Your Man

1. Shopping for lingerie or sex toys together.

2. Wear a hockey jersey to bed. Or lingerie. Both are good.

3. Sandwiches cut diagonal. Guys love that.

4. When ordering food at a restaurant, keep your order simple and don't break our wallets if we are treating you.

5. Moaning loudly during sex. No complaints from us.

6. Beer is good. Beer is always good.

7. Don't ask us loaded questions like "Does this make my butt look fat?" or "Would you ever want a threesome?" when we both know those questions are a trick.

8. Don't get upset when you find our porn collection. All guys have them, just ignore it and don't talk about it. The same thing goes when you're older and we have teenage boys and you find their collections... its best to just ignore it. (We turn a blind eye to your used tampons and pads, so please ignore our dirty Kleenexes.)

9. We hate shopping for shoes and we hate waiting while you try on different shoes. Its very boring. Bring a magazine or something for us to read at least, or maybe make conversation about something you KNOW we like to talk about.

10. You don't need to repeat yourself when arguing. We heard you the first time. We don't mind listening to you discuss your feelings, but you don't need to keep repeating the same line again and again. (And while we are at it we also like makeup sex after arguments.)

11. Listen to our feelings. We listened to you.

12. If it becomes obvious that we're not interested in the latest gossip its best you stop talking about it and phone/email one of your female friends instead.

13. Pick a chick flick that has sex and/or violence in it. We love that.

14. We have eyeballs and we can see. Yes, we noticed your friend with the huge knockers, and yes our eyes may have lingered on them (natural reaction), but you don't need to make a big fuss about it. We are with YOU. We like your cleavage too.

15. Quickies are great. Who doesn't like quickies?

16. Blowjobs are always wonderful, and it wouldn't hurt if you brushed up on your technique.

17. Don't confuse flirting for sexist comments. When we compliment your body its not meant to be sexist, it means exactly what we say it means. Its a compliment.

18. When all else fails, show a little crack or cleavage.

19. Don't expect the moon from us, but do expect us to make an effort.

20. Walking around wearing our clothes or nothing at all is always a welcoming sight. Just don't get out the power sander and start with the bad naked (see the Seinfeld episode).

21. Sometimes we just want to know you love us. It would help if you said it or showed it more often and we will try to do the same.

Do we really need more proof of global warming?

ENVIRONMENT - This a little off topic but I will to relate it how men and women think...

I got this amusing photo in my email today with the caption "Proof of Global Warming" and after laughing I thought to myself do we really need more proof beyond that which we already have?

I mean seriously. 100% of scientists agree that global warming and climate change is real and its happening around us. The only naysayers are people who don't even work as scientists but are "science advisors" for conservative politicians and the oil/coal industries. No REAL scientist has ever come out with proof global warming doesn't exist.

Who are you going to believe? Rush Limbaugh and his cronies? Or the scientific community with degrees and PhDs and the actual data on rising global temperatures?

For fun I did some Google image searches for words like global warming proof and global warming before after to see what came up. There is a lot of images available, some jokes, but most of them serious.

But do we (men and women) need visual proof? Or do we need to wait until global warming effects us personally before we realize its real?

The oil/coal industries know global warming is real, but they're refusing to acknowledge it and they are determined to keep the public ignorant or at least skeptical enough so that politicians won't do anything about it that might hurt their industries.

That much will be pretty obvious to anyone who reads a newspaper and can read between the lines.

But what about the rest of the population? The people who don't read newspapers, who aren't very intellectual or scientific in their reasoning and instead think this is all "natural" or god is doing it to punish the world?

After all god drowned the world once, what is to stop him from burning it the second time around?

But if we ignore god, then its Mother Nature isn't it? The Great Flood, Ice Ages, Global Warming... that sounds like Mother Nature's department doesn't it?

We all know Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Mother Nature don't exist, but the concept is still the same... nature is doing this, but its not very natural this time around.

And is it really so hard to think humans have the ability to change the temperature of the world around us? We've overrun this planet. There are is 6.7 billion of us and in 2008 we pumped an extra 33,534,965,760 metric tons of carbon dioxide (a greenhouse gas which causes temperatures to go up) into the atmosphere.

And the silly thing about CO2 is that the more there is, the more effective it is at raising temperatures. In the last hundred years CO2 levels have gone up from 290 ppm to 405 ppm. That is a 40% increase and is entirely man made.

The point is that greenhouse gases, global warming and climate change are all scientifically proven. Its the naysayers and skeptics (whom have no scientific background) who have managed to sway the ignorant.

According to a 2005 Gallup poll only 69% of Americans realize that global warming is real. More so there is a gender gap between men and women. 81% of American women know that global warming is real, whereas only 57% of men have clued in on this fact.

So why is it that men are less accepting of scientific evidence? Is it because men are more stubborn? Do they think they know better? Is it because men are less likely to have a college or university education? Maybe.

But an interesting factor is when you compare Republican men/women to Democrat men/women. Republican women are almost twice as likely to realize global warming is real when compared to Republican men, whereas Democratic men and women are on equal ground.

This tells you something very important. The naysayers are almost exclusively all white conservative men. Maybe they've been reading too many pamphlets from the oil industry. These are the kind of men who are still convinced smoking and guns don't kill people and they will argue until they are blue in the face to defend their right to be lazy and pollute as much as they want to.

I've met people like that. The only way they will ever change their minds is if Global Warming effects them personally. Only then will they see the proof in front of them. Until then they will continue to do as they please.

Lets pretend for a moment that we live to see the northern polar ice caps melt and the sea levels rise enough to flood Manhattan island. Would that be proof enough? I'll bet that even then there will be ignorant people who are still naysaying, saying its just a freak of nature rather than humans meddling with nature.

Hopefully by then politicians learn its time to just IGNORE THE SKEPTICS.

Celebrities Sinking to Despicable Lows

ENTERTAINMENT/SEX - Remember Paris Hilton's sex tape that was accidentally released?

How about the rather disturbing video "2 Girls 1 Cup"?

Well now a group of three celebrities have sunk to a new low... Eric Dane (McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy), his wife Rebecca Gayheart, and Miss Teen USA Kari Ann Peniche have released their own video... a naked threesome with drugs and drunken giggling.

Its not so much a sex video as it is just a naked video with cocaine/etc, so anyone looking for the video will be sorely disappointed.

But what interests me is that this was probably released on purpose... with the idea of taking three relatively small celebrities and trying to turn them into bigger celebrities.

It just proves that celebrities will do anything to get noticed and move up the business ladder when it comes to getting noticed. If there is any JUSTICE these three will see their careers ruined instead.

The Naked Wine Show at Work

ENTERTAINMENT/SEX - I met today the host of The Naked Wine Show. She does 1 minute reviews of various wine bottles from around the world... in the buff, and is quite eloquent about it.

It reminded me of various other posts in which I've talked about advertising and sexuality (not necessarily on this particular blog).

The idea of doing reviews, news, tech talk or whatever in the nude is nothing new. Naked News has been doing this sort of thing for years now. (I personally prefer the Toronto Star and CBC News for my news, but to each their own.)

I've also noticed that this seems to be a largely Canadian idea. The Naked Wine Show is produced by a Canadian wine company... and so is Naked News, which is produced by 'Egalaxy Multimedia Inc.', which is based in Toronto, Canada.

So does this mean Canadians are more prone to advertising with a dose of sexuality tossed in? Or are we just more liberally minded? Not sure. There are quite a few examples of sex in advertising from all over the world.

Admittedly such a show will cater largely to men, but its also pretty savvy advertising because wine sales amongst men in going up lately so that is a market that can be exploited (or should I say sexploited?) as it continues to grow.

Don't expect to see a lot of nudity on The Naked Wine Show however. All the good bits are tastefully covered. Totally unlike William Adolphe Bouguereau's 1884 painting "Bacchus and the Nymphs". You can see more images of the wine god Bacchus at:

Achilles to Zephyr: An Alphabetical Listing of Greek & Roman Art.

Conclusions? Sexuality and wine have often gone hand in hand, only the media has changed. Take Edouard Manet's "The Bar at the Folies-Bergère" for example. Wine has long been the romantic drink of choice... unlike gin which is known as 'Panty Peeler' according to The Kids in the Hall clip 'The Relationship Lawyers'.



I personally have a particularly good memory of wine and sex... it was in 2005 when I was living in Seoul in South Korea. The company I was working for gave me a gift basket of wine around the time of a holiday. One of the wine bottles was a special gold wine, which had gold flakes in it. It was REALLY good and according to the Koreans drinking flakes of gold is good for your health. (The Koreans aren't the only ones either, there is also an European company, Gold Cuvee, that makes a similar wine with 22 carat flakes.) My girlfriend at the time and myself ended up drinking it in bed together, spilling quite a bit of it on each other on purpose and having fun kissing with wine in our mouths. Such joy!

And many other people probably have similar memories of drinking and sex... so again its really not much of a surprise to see sexuality used to sell wine. Its definitely way better than telemarketing or spam... and way tastier to enjoy wine with someone special!

See Also:
Advertising in America
Advertising Sexploitation
The Ugly Side of Beauty
Canada a Haven for Spam

Looking for Love & Romance

SEX - Is sex all that men think about?

True, I am the first to admit that men have an one track mind. Think of sex has a volume knob. If you turn the volume of sex up, men are pretty predictable. They scramble over themselves for some booty time.

However, if you turn that same knob down, what do you think men are thinking about when it comes to women? If its not sex... then it must be something else.

The answer is simple. Its love.

And compounded with love, romance, compatibility, how he feels when he is around that special someone. Men are not as two dimensional as women make out to be. There is depth and sensitivity there, sometimes masked beneath a crude and lewd exterior, but that sensitivity is there nevertheless.

I will not begrudge women the fact that some men act like insensitive jerks. That is certainly true... but the key word is "act like". Men in reality are every bit as sensitive as women, but have a strong tendency to hide it under macho bravado.

And the very reason men do that is because they are afraid of rejection, abandonment and loneliness. We (all humans) are afraid of those things, but the difference is that women tend to react to those feelings differently.

Society expects a lot from men. 'He' makes the first pass. 'He' attempts the first kiss. 'He' invites her up for coffee at 10 PM. Very rarely do we see women picking up men, planting the first kiss or inviting guys up for a bout of coffee the next morning. True, some women break with convention and that is a sign of progress, but the onus is still very much on men to time these things properly.

No relationship is perfect. There is always pitfalls.

Lets take for example the friends scenario, wherein the male and female enjoy each others company and both of them start to drop romantic signals... hugs, touching, general closeness, but also verbal gestures such as talking about romantic things such as plans for the future, going to see chick flicks together, etc.

This friends scenario really has 3 possible outcomes:

1. They manage to change their friendship into a loving relationship.
2. They fall apart and the friendship is permanently ruined.
3. They managed to stay friends, but things might be awkward for a period of time, perhaps permanently.

If they screw this up, is it because the male did the timing wrong? Not necessarily. Women and men have different priorities sometimes and sometimes those priorities get in the way of making the transition from friends to lovers.

Another scenario is just met, wherein the couple has just encountered each other, sparked their interest and are now pursuing the possibility of romance. They're confused about how much the other person likes them (please do NOT read the book "He's Just Not That Into You", that book is complete crap), they're worried about the other person becoming obsessed with them (although if two needy people meet it works out wonderfully).

The just met scenario also has three possibilities:

1. They're compatible and the relationship goes through the normal cycle of pitfalls.
2. They quickly learn they hate each other (or are just bored of the other person) and it falls apart.
3. They like each other, but the romance isn't there for one of them so they bring out the "lets just be friends" speech to try and let the other down gently.

Romance does play an important part in both the friends and just met scenarios. Add a dash of romance and everything seems to go more smoothly.

The problem however is that many men and women these days don't know HOW to be romantic. Oh sure, they've figured out how to get funky beneath the sheets, but we're talking about the whole wining, dining, picnic, day trips, chocolates, roses, etc. (We should note however that gifts are a romantic gesture, but not necessarily romantic because they can feel more like the male is trying to buy love, not earn it.)

You may quickly notice a lot of the onus for romance is on men. When we think of non-object romantic gestures we think of kissing of hands, holding the door open, pulling out chairs, holding the umbrella, waiting for the female when she gets off from work and doing all the things we expect from a so-called gentleman.

But what do men actually want out of romance? Sure, there is pleasure in giving and being nice to someone, but what do men hope to get in return?

Well obviously kisses, hugs and sex would top the list... but lets turn the sex knob down and not refer to anything involving displays of affection. What do men hope to get out of being romantic and hopefully having the female be romantic in return.

Again love is the answer. He wants the woman to be impressed by his generosity, thoughtfulness and the way he goes out of his way to help people.

But how does a woman in return express romance? Some argue that gifts and food do wonders, but I disagree. Feeding the pig doesn't make it love you. It just makes the pig want more. They could in theory do the whole opening doors, pulling out chairs and being considerate bit. The first two probably won't get a man's attention very much, but the last one in which the woman shows how nice and considerate she is will definitely win points.

In theory the woman gets to display her romantic side when the man falls sick and becomes a big baby for several days, but again that is just making food, spooning out medicine and maybe running a hot bath for him. Its just feeding the pig again.

(If anyone can think of romantic gestures women make or could potentially make, feel free to leave a comment!)

Sometimes romance happens by accident.

My most romantic moment was 9 years ago. I was friends with a girl from Guelph and she was visiting Toronto on and off because she has family and friends here. We spent the day together and then took the subway to Union Station where she had to catch the Go train.

During the day we started holding hands, on the subway she started leaning on my shoulder (we were both tired from a busy day) and I ended up walking her to the train on the platform.

It was there on the train platform she and I first kissed, waiting for the last moment as the tension grew and grew. It makes me all mushy just thinking of it.

Sure, we broke up 5 months later when she cheated on me, but that doesn't change the sense of romance that was involved in that first kiss.

So do men think about nothing but sex? Evidently not. We are sexual beasts true enough, but we are complicated and sensitive beasts and crave love and romance too.