Watch this TED Talks presentation about the effects of internet porn addiction on the male brain.
Oooo!
The presentation is in response to Philip Zimbardo's "The Demise of Guys?" TED talk and in this presentation Gary Wilson asks whether our brains evolved to handle the hyperstimulation of today's Internet enticements. He also discusses the disturbing symptoms showing up in some heavy Internet users, the surprising reversal of those symptoms, and the science behind these 21st century phenomena.
More About Gary Wilson
Gary is host of www.yourbrainonporn.com. The site arose in response to a growing demand for solid scientific information by heavy Internet erotica users experiencing perplexing, unexpected effects: escalation to more extreme material, concentration difficulties, sexual performance problems, radical changes in sexual tastes, social anxiety, irritability, inability to stop, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.
As a physiology teacher with a particular interest in the latest neuroscience discoveries, Gary was aware that their symptoms might be the result of addiction-related brain changes. Applying the website's concepts of brain plasticity, many former users have braved withdrawal, reversed their symptoms and restored normal sexual responsiveness.
The site has been linked to from hundreds of threads in forums from over thirty countries, with posts numbering in the thousands. Gary blogs for "Psychology Today" and "The Good Men Project" on the extreme plasticity of adolescent brains, the evolutionary context for today's flood of novel cyber "mates," and the neurochemical reasons why superstimulating Internet delivery has unexpected effects on the brain.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
See the older post: Disciplining your Kids at Work to learn more about physical discipline (ie. spanking, ear tugging, etc).
Now regardless of whether you believe in physical discipline (I firmly believe that as a child I needed it and I am thankful my parents used ear tugging and spankings at an early age to get their point across that tomfoolery will not go unpunished).
However at a certain age these kinds of punishments don't work any more. This is something every parent knows.
Thus begins a period of "being grounded", being denied dessert after dinner, not being allowed to watch TV, play on the computer, no talking on the phone, etc. At least these were the punishments I was familiar with being grounded during the 1980s and 1990s.
These days being grounded means being sent to their room where many kids now have their own TV, laptop, cell phone, so "being grounded" isn't really much of a punishment unless the parents also take away those electronic devices. I would argue however that the cell phone is an emergency device and should never be taken away. (But you might start handing the bill to the teenager and let them pay for it so they learn to cut back on their rampant usage.)
I remember once wracking up a huge $1,500 phone bill back in August 1997. Thankfully I was working and could pay for it, but in retrospect that money could have been spent on something else. I learned to discipline my phone usage after that incident.
The thing is self-discipline is a rare thing amongst children. Most children will simply run amok (like the kids in Lord of the Flies) if there is no one to tell them what they can and cannot do.
Case in point.
When I was 14 there was an incident at a gathering of neighbours outside the old Salem School and Church. It was basically a community BBQ and I noticed a bunch of kids bullying another kid, running around hitting each other with sticks. So being one of the older (and therefore more responsible) kids I took their sticks away and threw them over the fence.
Two of the boys went to complain to their father, claiming I had bullied them and/or hit them. The father came over to talk to me, telling me to leave his kids alone and threatening me. (I don't remember the exact words, it was 18 years ago.)
"All I did was take their sticks away and throw them over the fence. If you would discipline your kids this wouldn't be a problem."
At which point he threatened me some more and claimed his kids were perfectly disciplined.
To which I believe my response was "Bullshit. You're not even watching them." and basically berated him about the finer points of discipline, a fact which no doubt embarrassed him in front of his neighbours and he realized there was nothing he could do about it so he made one last threat and stormed away.
And THIS is why people should discipline their kids (whatever your methodology, providing its legal), so that your kids don't embarrass you in public, run amok beating up other kids, burning down churches and/or eventually becoming mass murderers. (Everyone blames the parents when the mass murderer strikes. Sometimes the mass murderer also kills their parents.)
Children should be encouraged to enjoy sports, express their creativity, to read, to show off their ability to learn and their intellect... and discouraged from bad behaviour which will cause trouble and mayhem both in the present and the future.
A neglectful parent is not a proper parent at all. Parenting requires you to actually pay attention to your children. Not paying attention and you reap the consequences.
HEALTH - I've put this under "health" because frankly good discipline is a mental health issue, plus knowing how to properly discipline your children without hurting them is certainly a health matter too.
There is essentially 5 levels of how to discipline your children. Some of them are more controversial than others, and the bottom two are basically illegal.
1. Minimalist / Anti-Discipline
Some parents don't like to discipline their children. They basically let their children run wild and only attempt to discipline them when they do something really bad. The problem with these parents is they've adopted a pacifist approach to discipline, so their methodology is things like "no dessert", "go stand in the corner", "no TV", "no computer", "no phone or cellphone", etc. Another problem these parents face however is children who cry, whine and act up until they get what they want. Such parents have a strong tendency to flip flop and renege on their punishment... sometimes even REWARDING bad behaviour by later offering to buy the kid a new toy just to get them to stop crying.
2. Pro-Discipline
These parents are no nonsense when it comes to discipline. They punish their kids, ground them, take things/privileges away and they refuse to back down on the issue. Their results may vary depending on the parent and the methodology, but at least they're not being wishy-washing and then rewarding the kid for bad behaviour.
3. Pro-Spanking & Ear Tugging
Spanking or ear tugging your child is perfectly legal. The exact wording of local laws may vary (and this may not be allowed in certain European countries), but in North America all parents have the right to spank or tug the ears of their children when they misbehave. Brazil and several South American countries have also outlawed spanking. Spanking and ear-tugging causes no damage, only light bruising which fades very quickly. The biggest aspect of this form of punishment is that its more about humiliation and embarrassment. The child will be embarrassed by the spanking and will think twice before doing activities that might induce another embarrassment.
4. Legal Grey Zone
This could be anything really. "Cruel and unusual punishment" could for example be forcing the kid to apologize to all the neighbours they had wronged and atoning for their misdeeds. But it could also be forms of physical punishment / work which we normally don't think of... ie. Having to chop wood for the woodstove for 3 hours before being allowed to eat; 200+ pushups; etc... some of these get into areas which most people would consider to be abuse and parental neglect. Twisting a child's arm for example on purpose would be crossing the line.
5. Out Right Illegal
Beating up the child, starving them, forced isolation, serious physical harm and then covering up the injuries with stories of falling down the stairs, etc. It doesn't take a lawyer to figure out these are going overboard.
Conclusions: Now evidently options #2 and #3 are the best ones and parents might even use the "cruel and unusual punishment" part of #4 if the situation warrants an unusual punishment. ie. You probably won't spank your teenager, but you might confiscate their cellphone and cut off their internet for the whole summer when they're caught gambling online... combined with forcing them to help out at a homeless shelter until they realize the road gambling can sometimes lead to.
The end goal is not to enact revenge on your child, but to encourage them through positive and negative reinforcement that certain types of behaviour will not be tolerated especially as they get older. As parents we have a responsibility to discipline our children so they don't grow up and turn into psychos because of parental neglect. Children can get into all sorts of trouble if allowed to run amok, raising children who eventually as adults run amok is a sure sign that the parents failed in their duty to properly discipline their kids.
DISCLAIMER TO YUPPIES: You may think you're doing your child a favour by not disciplining them or "sparing the rod and spoiling the child", but in reality you are doing them and the rest of society a disservice by raising someone who will ultimately be spoiled rotten.
ENTERTAINMENT - Please pardon my amusing choice of words for the title and the fact part of this post will sound like a movie and book review.
The movie is the 2008 film "Gran Torino" starring Clint Eastwood. I watched it earlier today and give it 5 stars out of 5 (and I'm a HARSH critic!).
The book is "Girls on the Edge: The four factors driving the new crisis for girls" by Dr. Leonard Sax, author, physician and psychologist. I haven't actually read the book, I am just going on a summary and some quotes provided by Toronto Star reporter Antonia Zerbisias in her article: Is Facebook behind today's girl crisis?
Now the reason why I use the words "stuck up little bitches" is for good reason. I am describing a particular kind of young woman, often a teenager, who is so naive about the world and stuck in their own little "cyberbubble" (Dr. Sax's words) that they are rude to other people and their end behaviour is that of a stuck up little bitch.
Lets start with the granddaughter in the film Gran Torino. In the clips below you will see how she is more worried about her cellphone than she is about hurting her grandfather's feelings. Then she takes it a step farther and starts coveting his car, the Gran Torino. You can practically see the grandfather's thoughts when he glares at her. His wife has just died and already the granddaughter is scheming what will happen when she loots the remains of his death.
Greedy relatives isn't really a modern concept. Its been around for as long as ownership laws and you could argue rude teenagers is pretty normal too.
Of course not all teenagers are rude, just like not all granddaughters are rude. I would hope the stereotypical "stuck up little bitch" is a rarity more than the norm.
They are certainly out there however and I am sure we all have memories of encountering a few. Arrogance is a factor, but its more than that. A person can be arrogant but still polite to people. This is a dreadful combination of arrogance, rudeness, a feeling of entitlement, a lack of empathy, greed and a lack of respect for everyone around them. They are spoiled rotten.
And I would argue there is a difference between young women who are spoiled rotten and young men who receive similar treatment from their parents. Females develop a sort of "Princess ego" as "Daddy's Little Girl" who can do no wrong, has been ridiculously sheltered and now expects the world to wait on them. (And gets upset when people don't go to extremes to please their fragile sense of entitlement.)
I believe people have to EARN respect by treating others with respect. If you're rude to someone the chances of other people being rude back greatly increases.
In our era of Girls Gone Wild however young women seem to have fallen prey to society's woes, rather than actually trying to do something different and better themselves, they are going along merrily with it.
A sad but unmeasurable number of young women these days are too focused on superficial qualities, beauty and their ability to attract a male. They spend more time taking photos and updating their Facebook photos than actually studying, doing homework, getting a part-time job and trying to make something of themselves. They're so self-indulged they ignore the chance to accomplish something.
According to Dr. Leonard Sax and his book (mentioned at the top) a proportion of 21st century teenagers are stuck in their own little "cyberbubble" where they ignore homework, text and chat 24/7, where t-shirts that say "SLUT"
That's skewing their self-image and their world view, believes.
“Most parents have no clue how kids are using Facebook,” says Dr. Sax. “The majority of boys are going on to look for photographs of girls they know and girls they don't know."
"Meanwhile, girls are intent on making the best possible photographs for their profile, presenting their brand, tweaking their photos to make themselves cuter than they are.”
Dr. Sax has written other books, including 2006's "Boys Adrift: The five factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men".
So its not just young women who are at fault here. A lot of young men are so distracted sexually that they're ignoring their potential.
According to Dr. Sax: “The gender war is the ongoing and generally unproductive debate between people who tend to be politically conservative who think there's a boy crisis and people on the left who think there's a girl crisis. In fact, both boys and girls are disadvantaged, in different ways.”
Dr. Sax's advice in the book is the following: No private computer in their bedroom, no cellphones at the dinner table, no cellphones during family events (funeral, birthday parties, etc.) and encourage real-life networking with friends.
“It's not possible, it's not practical to say to parents don't let your kids have computers or cellphones. That's not going to happen. So the question is, how do you be a parent? I find that parents are unsure, uncertain and insecure about their authority.”
In other words stop spoiling your kids with techie crap. In fact stop spoiling them altogether.
When a child is spoiled they begin to feel they are entitled to things. They stop trying to earn things and the end result is a lack of motivation. They want other people to do their work for them.
But will parents just stop pandering to their kids? Doubtful. This is something that parents have to do early on, before the age of 4. Suddenly ceasing to spoil your kids will result in an emotional backlash.
So good luck with that.
The mass media isn't helping either. Everyday our kids, especially girls, are bombarded with advertisements which cause them to worry about their body image, their social status with friends and their sex life (often before they're emotionally ready for sex).
For the spoiled teen girl the temptation of sex comes with the perks of increased social status amongst other girls and the ability to gain the attention of boys. (Because teenage boys like sluts.) These naive young women aren't having sex because they're burning up with lust or feelings of love, they're doing it because they've recognized a desire to be accepted socially (although who can say when they have so many confusing hormones in their system).
Not all these hormone crazed teens are jumping off the deep end however. According to Dr. Sax many young women have learned to tune out the media assaults, to read between the lines and have become jaded against corporations trying to sell to teenagers. Dr. Sax's term for this is “corporatized.”
He also says boys have reacted slightly differently to the corporate media.
“More and more boys are developing an epicurean ability to enjoy themselves – to enjoy video games, pornography, food and sleep – but they often don't have the drive and motivation to succeed in the real world outside their bedroom,” writes Sax. “More and more of their sisters have that drive and motivation in abundance – but they don't know how to relax, how to have fun and enjoy life. For many of these girls, each accomplishment is only a stepping stone to the next goal.”
That is until reality gets in the way and Miss Smartest or Miss Prettiest at the High School finds herself Miss Nobody at university, says Dr. Sax.
“These girls are having a great time as long as everything goes their way,” he says. “But when they don't get what they want, because things don't turn out the way they expect, because they are not as smart as they think they are. They need to have an inner spirit so that they can get through that dark night of the soul. More and more girls don't have that – and they don't see the problem.”
The girls who are so spoiled they can't handle the stress of the real world become depressed – and may struggle with depression for the rest of their lives according to Dr. Sax.
Dr. Sax is also worried because girls “are getting older younger.” They are dressing slutty at a younger age, they are having sex too soon and they're growing up too fast during a time period in their lives where they are very impressionable.
There are no facts and statistics to back much of these observations, Dr. Sax admits, because nobody was keeping statistics 50 years ago on these things. Its very much a new field of study.
Dr. Sax blames various other modern societal woes that are hurting young women, but he also admits its still better than the "good old days".
“There are no good old days for girls,” he acknowledges. “It is a sad fact of western civilization that every era has been sexist. They have valued the achievements of boys and men above the achievements of girls and women.”
So there is hope for the future. These "stuck up little bitches" are nothing new to society, only the technology is new. In the 1980s or earlier they would have been tying up the phone line gossiping or talking to boys, now they've moved the gossip to cellphone texting and Facebook. Parents would be well advised to stop coddling and spoiling their children and focus more on getting their kids to become high achievers.
Because if they earn it then they will deserve it.
CANADA - In a recent incident a Brampton lawyer was stabbed outside a Sikh temple with a Kirpan ceremonial dagger. Sikh men wear Kirpan daggers to protect themselves from evil, it is a sacred weapon according to their religion and not meant to actually be used.
The Kirpan dagger has been getting more controversy in recent years, ever since a 12-year old boy in a Montreal school accidentally dropped his Kirpan and the school tried to take it away from him.
I bring this up because since the age of 11 or so I've been carrying a Swiss Army Knife with me at all times, attached to my keys. I've had several over the years and I need a replacement because my current one is getting dull and there is a ding on the blade. I carried it through high school, university, to various work places including government jobs... the only time I ever removed it from my pocket is when it and my keys went into my luggage for traveling on airplanes.
Now during that time period I've been in no less than 5 fights, 2 during primary school, 2 in high school, and 1 when a guy attacked me on the Toronto subway.
Not once in all five incidents did I take out my Swiss Army Knife. Honestly, I don't think it would be that good as a weapon. Given the option I prefer to use my fists. I have two of them and it just seems more practical.
For me the Swiss Army Knife is a tool. I've never needed to resort to using it as a weapon.
Teenagers are prone to fighting. They have to deal with bullies and there is a lot of anxiety about protecting themselves. Statistically however they rarely use weapons when fights are usually resolved with fists. (Only once in those five incidents was I ever attacked with a weapon, a broomstick from carpentry class.)
Chalk it up partly to Canada's obsession with hockey fighting, but Canadians just seem to prefer fisticuffs. Even when they have a hockey stick in hand, they throw it down, take off the gloves and go for the more basic weapon people have been using since before cavemen.
There are incidents of fights with weapons... everything from a hair pin to a bowling ball, and frankly I am curious as to whether such improvised weapons outnumber attacks with knives. It would stand to reason that when pressed people are more likely to pick up a rock, a stick or even a guitar case to fight with then they would to reach into their pocket and pull out a puny 2 - 8 inch knife (the same length as a Kirpan).
So while there may be incidents where people have tried using a Kirpan as a weapon, the recent attack on the Sikh lawyer (who easily survived) shows that its not a very effective weapon. The man who attacked him was charged with attempted murder and aggravated assault, showing he didn't even manage to run away or keep his identity hidden. (Its ever amazing how stupid criminals are.)
The Sikh lawyer attacked in the incident also wears a kirpan. He says this abuse of the dagger should not be used against the religion. “These people have used religious emotions and symbols to attack others. It does not mean all Sikhs are violent.”
He's right. People are more or less violent in general and they don't need a dagger to do it.
History has shown knife attacks are usually very brutal because a single stab wound doesn't kill someone. You have to be stabbed quite often or in vital locations for the wounds to become fatal. Michael Hill of Florida was stabbed in the brain with an 8 inch survival knife by an unknown assailant and still survived. (He currently holds the Guinness Record for the largest object removed from someone's brain and surviving.) In other incidents people have been stabbed over a hundred times and still lived.
Julius Caesar for example was stabbed 23 times, but only one of them actually hit a vital area in his chest according to a physician who later examined the body. An estimated 60 people mobbed him and were involved in the stabbing, including the infamous Brutus.
So whether its a ceremonial dagger or a tool people need to be aware knives don't hurt people, people hurt people. The knife isn't even an effective weapon. Its obsolete compared to the gun, which makes it super easy to kill someone.
A police night stick however... those things are just plain nasty!
If someone shows up at your door wielding a night stick, prepare to get your ass whupped.
CANADA/HEALTH - According to a new study Canada has some of the worst bullies in the world. At least insofar as our schools are concerned. The study by Queen's University in conjunction with the World Health Organization documented both bullies and victims of bullies and the bullying methods used in 40 different countries.
Boys face homophobic slurs, insults, verbal and physical abuse, to say nothing of emotional trauma that will haunt their self confidence for years to come and in many cases leads to depression, suicide attempts and violent behaviour.
Girls are no less humiliated either, but methods girls use to bully each other differs slightly.
The victims of bullying (regardless of gender) often end up cutting themselves and contemplating / attempting suicide. They also tend to become more shy, despondent, develop phobias of school or meeting new people, their marks slide and they end up wholly traumatized by the experience.
Author's Note: Having been bullied myself I know these things to be true. I still get upset just thinking of past instances from my own high school years.
The problem in Canada is that many school administrators do several things:
#1. They think its a problem that will go away with time and that there will be no lasting harm.
#2. They think it would take too much effort to enact anti-bullying policies, or that such policies could make problems worse.
In the United States however bullying is taken VERY seriously. In a country that averages a mass school shooting every 3-4 months there is a constant effort to prevent or put a halt to bullying, for fear that "Your School could be the next Columbine".
In Canada this lack of support in the schools' administration results in bullies basically running the place, getting away "Scot-free" with whatever antics they feel like. This is the reason why Canada is ranked the 5th worst country for bullies in schools out of the 40 countries polled.
14% of Canadian boys report being physically bullied.
30% of Canadian boys report verbal / psychological bullying.
Currently the status quo for punishing bullies is to suspend the offending student for 1-3 days. Afterwards the bully returns and due to lack of teacher supervision the bullying frequently becomes worse. (So going back to point #2 above, yes, band-aid solutions do make the problem worse, but it doesn't mean there isn't a good solution.)
The province of Ontario (where approx. 33% of all Canadian school children live) has taken steps in recent years like the Safe Schools Act and a training program that has thus far trained 25,000 teachers and 7,000 principals in how to address/prevent bullying. And this week is "Bullying Awareness Week", something which many schools take part in.
But if you look at the statistics for bullying incidents you see the it hasn't dropped, but has remained relatively steady. Anti-bullying group PREVNet (Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence Network) says there is little evidence that above measures have done anything, once again its just a band-aid solution.
You have to wonder what this "training program" for teachers really involves. Its likely just a weekend where teachers gather, talk about different ways to deal with bullies, eat lunch together and get a stamped certificate at the end proving they were there. Afterwards they make up their own mind on how to deal with bullies instead of following any kind of protocol.
That is a key problem. The current protocol (or lack thereof) doesn't work because administrators/teachers are not investigating allegations of bullying and are instead preferring to sweep it under the rug and ignore it.
Here is a solution for you...
Make it a CRIME.
If 14% of Canadian boys are being physically bullied and abused, that is ASSAULT. It is already a crime as far as the law is concerned, the problem is that school administrators have a strong tendency to turn a blind eye to bullying and either give the bully a "slap on the wrist" or give a suspension (Woohoo, 1-3 days of no school!), which is hardly a punishment.
If it was treated as a crime and bullies received criminal records (and possibly time in juvenile hall or the threat of jail) then they would be more likely to be scared shitless of getting in trouble again. (After all, if you go to juvenile hall you frequently are no longer the bully, but become the victim. There's always someone who is bigger than you are.)
Now I admit treating bullying as a crime is a lot more time consuming, but so is trying to teach students who are traumatized. They're distracted and despondent, too stressed about the bullies in their life to worry about school work. The students who don't suffer from bullies inherently have better marks (and less sick days from trying to avoid a bully).
An effective solution to bullying will doubtlessly raise the grade average of students and result in happier and more productive students.
The countries polled with the least amount of bullies (Norway, Sweden and England) have strong policies in place and they are under constant evaluation for improvement. What we need in Canada therefore is to adopt identical policies and protocols and FOLLOW THEM. Don't ignore them at your leisure.
After all its not just students who were shot in the Columbine massacre, it was teachers too. For their own safety teachers need to be taking bullying more seriously.
And FYI, on a per capita basis Canada has had more school shooting fatalities than the USA. Remember the Killer Goth in Montreal in September 2006? Or the C. W. Jefferys Collegiate shooting in May 2007? Or the Bendale Business and Technical Institute shooting in September 2008? Apparently Canada averages a school shooting every year, which when you consider our population is one 10th of the USA's that is a pretty high rate.
HEALTH - The teenage brain is a stage of growth and cerebral reorganization. Teens see major changes in their frontal cortex, and this is equally true for both women and men.
The cortex is the outer layer of the brain and is the most sophisticated part of the brain. The frontal cortex is where our highest-level thinking and analysis take place.
During the teen years and early adulthood (up to the early 30s) this part of the brain grows lots of white matter in the form of myelin. Myelin is a fatty layer that insulates nerve fibres so they can communicate more quickly with less interference. The more myelin insulation the more efficiently the brain cells work.
Teenage brains also lose synapses (connections) among nerve cells. This pruning process is critical to making the brain's functions more swift and powerful. During this time the teenage brain develops the ability to think abstractly and discover how complex systems work. Thus teens and young adults learn both broadly and deeply, often mastering a topic they care and becoming an expert in it in a relatively short amount of time.
Thus these early years don't really benefit from memorizing meaningless facts (ie. history class), but learn faster by doing and becoming experts at making/fixing things. Its a more creative time in human development.
Thus teenagers often seek to express themselves and their unique identity. Social interaction and communication becomes very important, which explains the popularity of instant messaging, Facebook and cell phones amongst young people.
