Farts, Farting and Fart Jokes

Oh and belching.

Let us not forget belching.

Farting and belching are two perfectly normal and indeed HEALTHY aspects of human existence.

"Fart proudly." 
- Benjamin Franklin.

Even back in the 1700s Benjamin Franklin and many others knew that farting was wealthy and perfectly normal. Same goes with belching. Nothing wrong with a good healthy belch.

And yet some people associate farting and belching with being impolite. They're sometimes embarrassing, but they are not impolite.

It is no more impolite than uncontrollable laughter. Why? Because it is UNCONTROLLABLE. Farting and belching are uncontrollable bodily functions, much like breathing, your heart beating, and the need to visit the bathroom for #1 or #2.

Sort of like Elaine's uncontrollable laughter in the following Seinfeld clips.



Farting and belching...

Perfectly natural.

Just not socially acceptable.

I will give you an example.

When I was in grade 9 (omidragon that was decades ago...) I remember drinking a Coca-Cola and then belching in English class. A girl who sat near me turned around and said "You sexist pig!"

Now tell me... What is sexist about someone belching?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I could have farted and that would not have been remotely sexist either.

Piggish on the other hand. Have you ever seen a pig belch? I have not.

Although I did manage to find a video of a dog named "Pig" belching. Not the same thing obviously. Kind of cute really.



With a bit more effort I did eventually find a video of a pig belching. It wasn't remotely sexist either.



So here is the thing.

I think in that particular scenario, the girl from my English class... She was the one being sexist. She was following a sexist stereotype that men are rude sexist pigs that belch and fart all the time. She heard me belch, and immediately concluded - jumped to the conclusion based on a ridiculously sexist stereotype - that I must be a sexist pig just because I belched after drinking a Coca-Cola.

And honestly, its a freaking Coca-Cola. Who doesn't belch after drinking a Coke?

And to illustrate my point here is a video of a man drinking 2 litres of Coca-Cola and then belching.

List of Toilet Phobias

NOTE - This isn't one of my normal topics. I just felt it was funny.

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Common Toilet Phobia - Parcopresis / psychogenic fecal retention, whereby the sufferer is unable to defecate unless they have a certain level of privacy. Its called "Common" Toilet Phobia because it is surprisingly common.

Commodaphobia - One who is afraid of toilets in general and avoids them entirely.

Toilet Germophobia - The fear of unsanitary toilets which might have feces or urine on the seat.

Some of these below don't have real names... but they are real phobias. I have a few of these myself. Some of them are pretty common.

Shitmypants Phobia - The fear of needing to get to the toilet and not getting there on time. This fear is intensified when you have diarrhea.

iSplash Toilet Phobia - The fear of dropping your iPhone or other precious item in the toilet.

Splattermatterphobia - The fear of what may be on the underside of the toilet seat in a public bathroom.

Recycled Toilet Water Phobia - The fear that the water from the toilet is somehow immediately recycled and made into your drinking water.

Monster Toilet Phobia - The fear that the toilet is an animated monster and might try to eat you. A phobia more commonly experienced by children.

Piranhas in the Toilet Phobia - The fear that piranhas or aligators might somehow come up the pipes and attack you.

Toilet Seat Up Phobia - The fear of falling in the toilet because someone left the seat up and then getting stuck in there permanently.

Oh Oh No Toilet Paper Phobia - The fear of running out of toilet paper when you need it most.