(Male) Lap Dancing at Work

ENTERTAINMENT/SEX - On a whim, before writing this article, I decided to Google the phrase "lap dancing for women". I found a total of six sites. I also tried "male lap dancing" and found 1,520 sites.

I concluded lap dancing is really an idea more for women lap dancing for men, and when you include the rules for lap dances its really for voyeuristic men. The rules are: Hands off, no touching, no dirty talk or threats, no asking for 'extra attention'. Basically just sit back and enjoy the show.

Because that's what lap dancing is meant to be, just a show. They're not prostitutes and they're not there to be groped by strange men either. Hence the bouncers.

The problem is strip/lap dancing clubs sell alcohol and drunk men tend to get rowdy, so its not a perfect industry in any way. Its rife with problems.

Over in England, Birmingham is regularly called the "lap dancing capital of the UK", but they've created something new.

Tricky Dicky's is the very first club catering solely for straight women, with no men allowed through the doors - except for the 22 thong-clad male dancers. So male lap dancing does exist. Its just very rare.

For £5 the women get in and they can buy £10 tokens at the bar which are used to get a private lap dance. Like female lap dancing, there is strictly no touching, with six female security staff on hand to enforce the rule.

But is there a lot of women out there who are into voyeurism and like being turned on by just looking and no touching?

There is also the matter of gullibility and deceit. Lap dancers have to convince the customer that they are sincerely interested in them, providing a hint that there could be real sexual attention and not just a peep show. The customer has to fantasize about the person giving the dance by convincing them its more than just looking, but at the same time maintaining the rules of no touching, etc. That is a tall order for any lap dancer, male or female.

Generally speaking, you'd think men would be more gullible, but according to Tricky Dicky's revenues... women are just as easy to trick into believing in the illusion, but there's also a percentage of women out there that say it would be improbable, maybe even impossible to trick them into falling for it.

But those women are sober. We are forgetting that when alcohol is involved our fantasies tend to wander and our gullibility increases.

Plus the kind of men/women who would go to a lap dancing clubs are, more or less, a little desperate and gullible in the first place.

Its a bit like couples who like sexual roleplaying. There's never really a disconnect where they actually think they're James Bond and Money Penny, or Conan and the Queen of the Amazons... its all in good fun, but its never real no matter how much you may want it to be.

Perhaps that is why lap dancing is more believable. The customer is faced with a real dancer, real temptation, and real grinding in their face/lap... the breasts and makeup may be fake, but the sexual tension is real.

"Women treat it as a party and have fun, whereas for a man, getting a dance from a girl is a more serious thing," says one woman who visited a male strip club. The trend is for women to come in groups, but men prefer to visit strip clubs alone. That suggests women are there for entertainment, but men are actually hunting for sex.

Depending on what country, state or province you go to, lap dancing is illegal and has additional rules involved. There's also been a number of scandals, such as city councilors who get caught using public money to pay for lap dances, and later claim they were doing 'research' into whether lap dancing should be legal or not.

Like the recent incident in Toronto Canada when three Italian-Canadian men, city council members, went to a strip club, got lap dances and later claimed they were just doing research... three married Italian men... I wonder what their wives think of their research activities?

Totally besides the point that there was no legislation currently before the Toronto city council for or against lap dancing. Some people just make up the dumbest excuses.

So to draw from that, people who visit strip clubs are... desperate, gullible, voyeurs... and they make the dumbest excuses.

According to Bethany, a political researcher, she has never been to a lap dancing club and doesn't think she ever will. "I just don't see how it's attractive, there's no intimacy and the other person is only there because they're being paid. In fact it's a guaranteed way to lower your self-esteem, because you are having to resort to payment for your sexual kicks."

So the customers aren't just desperate... they're lechers who can't get a real date, and in the case of those married men, probably in an unhappy marriage.

Then there's the people, men and women, who view lap dancing as a waste of money. With this one, I agree utterly. $20 for a lap dance or $40 for a private lap dance? Seems rather pricey for something with no touching involved.

"I would rather to spend the money on a manicure," says one woman.

John Lenkiewicz, director of the London-based Institute of Sexuality and Human Relations, and a psycho-sexual therapist, believes that women are unlikely to be turned on just by watching. "They would go for a laugh rather than for sexual gratification," he says. "Women are interested in attention, protection and humour rather than physical attributes."

Some women would disagree, of course, but admittedly there is a lot more fat comedians out there drawing in crowds of women.

Laws surrounding strip clubs and lap dancing vary wildly, governing everything from where they can be built, how big they can be, how they can advertise, their choice of name or logo,

And when that is all done, they also have to contend with anti-filth and anti-smut groups who are worried about what this says about women and family values.

In England, in response to a national campaign by the Fawcett Society and OBJECT, the Labour Party has committed to overhaul the way lap dancing clubs are licensed in order to make it more difficult for clubs to get lap dancing licenses.

This isn't enough according to members of the Fawcett Society and OBJECT, who point out this is essentially just a tax on lap dancing, as opposed to cutting back on it. Furthermore it legitimizes lap dancing, because it then becomes a taxable industry and a source of government revenue. The new plan also allowed for several loopholes which would allow more people to become lap dancers.

Call it a funny thing about the whole sex industry, the more people try to censor them and force them out of business, the more they push back and manage to actually improve their situation.

One thing is for certain: Lap dancing is here to stay, and given time male lap dancing for women will grow... but most women will still of it as a joke.

See Also:
Sex Jokes and Cartoons I
Sex Jokes and Cartoons II
Sex Jokes and Cartoons III
Sex Jokes and Cartoons IV
Sex Jokes and Cartoons V

The Perfect Female Body at Work

FASHION/SEX - What is the perfect size when it comes to the female body?

That is the question a fashion magazine (Fabulous magazine) in Britain has asked, and the results are a bit surprising. The question was pretty simple... what size do you think the perfect woman should be, and people were giving a range of dress waist sizes to choose from.

On average British women said size 6 (all sizes US).

On average British men said size 10.

In reality British women average a size 12.

So what does this tell us? Well, it means men prefer women with a bit more meat on their bones, whereas women tend to think thinner is better.

So what about men and women in Canada and the United States, what do they think the ideal female waist size should be? It might be the same, but part of this problem might be that men (in general) don't know the difference between waist sizes.

So lets go to the classic 36-24-36 inch hourglass figure and using an USA size chart we determine that a 24-inch waist is actually... a size 2. A size 6 is a 26 inch waist and size 10 = 28.

Seems pretty tiny doesn't it?

The thing is this is based on an average... some men prefer women who are thicker and even "hefty", with the extreme resulting is what is generally called 'Chubby Chasers' and those men can throw the average off.

There is also a tiny percentage of men out there who prefer women who are (yuck) anorexic or even have bulimia, who will push the average in the opposite direction.

So do men really prefer waifish thin supermodels? Or more curvaceous women, with maybe some love handles? The British fashion poll suggests men prefer the more voluptuous women.

Its not like women aren't looking for Mr Right either... typically described as "tall, dark and handsome".

What seems more fundamental is not the precise size, but the waist-to-hip ratio of 80% or less is more important. Basically you measure the waist and the hips, divide to get a percentage and anything below 80% is considered sexy. The classic 36-24-36 figure for example has a waist-to-hip ratio of 66%.

Small wonder corsets are so popular.

It is so often easier to take the quick and lazy route via cosmetic surgery (which is rife with problems). Liposuction prices for example are based on the bodypart you want the fat sucked out of. And you don't want to be hiring a bargain basement place either, because they will likely botch the job.

A full body treatment of liposuction (from a quality professional company) will cost you about $60,000 USD. Just having the fat sucked out of your arms is $5,000 USD.

And so it boggles the mind that people don't try to accomplish the same results via cardio exercise and hiring a personal trainer. In contrast you could hire a personal trainer to work with you 4.5 hours a week, for 52 weeks, for $8,000. The personal trainer would also provide nutritional advice, motivational advice, and most importantly they would turn your life around and make you feel positive about your body.

And in theory, if you look that good that you feel confident about your looks, worrying about what the opposite sex is looking for will no longer be that big of a concern any more.

To most women, what men want is a complete mystery. So let me make it simple: While it may vary from time to time, men just want someone who looks hot and turns us on.

Admittedly, that may sound a bit slutty, and might explain why men ogle women who dress like hookers. Men want to see a bit of cleavage, they want to see some leg or your 'assets'... but more important than that, men look at your face to see if you look... compatible.

The facial compatibility thing is much trickier than you'd think. I'd describe it (personally) as preferring a woman who looks natural, not harsh, like the girl-next-door kinda look, as opposed to the hardass chic bitchy look that some women tend to have (that look scares most men away). In other words you want your face to look pleasant, as opposed to someone who looks like they sucked a lemon. Like the photo of Priscilla Presley to the right... yikes!

So by my personal standards who is attractive? Beyonce for starters, who weighs a healthy 135 lbs and typically wears a size 8 or 9.



See Also:
Advanced Corset Design
The Corset Waist: A waist is a terrible thing to waste
The History of the Corset & Brassiere
The Ugly Side of Beauty
Ugly Betty is Beautiful
Fashion Waifs Disappearing

Married Couples Vs House Work

According to a new survey married couples end up doing more house work than they did when they were single.

Married women, on average, do 7 hours more house work (cleaning, making food, grass cutting, laundry, etc) per week compared to non-married women.

Married men meanwhile do 5 hours more house work.

Why is this? Its not because of kids, because the statistics for parents and non-parents are roughly the same. They're both doing more house work.

Part of the reason is because married couples are more worried about keeping the place clean, whereas as bachelors/bachelorettes they were able to slack off and not worry about it as much.

The second problem is women and men REDOING specific tasks because their lover didn't do it "properly", the "right way", or up to the other person's standards.

In my own relationship I know this to be true.

"You're not making the rice properly."

"You didn't scrub this pan the right way."

"You missed a spot while cleaning."

These sayings are usually followed by "Nevermind, I'll do it myself" so its up to her standards...

So for men, the case often appears where they say "screw it, let her do it" and then slack off on the house work because the female in the relationship will scrub the dishes, make the food, clean, etc. so that its up their particular standard.

It basically comes down to a difference in cleanliness standards.

Men see a dirty pan, they clean it, they use it later.

Women see a dirty pan, the clean it, they scrub it, they clean it again, and they use it later. As a general rule, women are much more paranoid about cleanliness, germs, etc.

Men will wear a shirt, they'll toss it in a corner, and a week later or a couple days later they will wear it again. Men will keep wearing the same set of underwear for weeks at a time, until the smell becomes noticeably bad.

Women in contrast change their underwear almost every day, and rarely reuse the same clothes until its been cleaned.

You can probably think of more examples, but I've made my point. Its not that the item of clothing or the frying pan isn't clean (or clean enough), its simply that men and women have different standards.

My advice? Men need to up their standards a bit, and women need to settle down and don't be so paranoid about cleanliness.

After all, cleanliness is next to godliness, and that's basically impossible to achieve.

See Also
The Politics of Housework
House Chores for Men and Stay at Home Dads
The Chore Wars
The Good Wife's Guide and Advice for Young Brides
Why I Want a Wife

Hamburgers & Protein at Work

ENTERTAINMENT - Have you seen the new Burger King commercial with their tiny little burgers called "BK Burger Shots".

They are $1.39 each and they're gone in less than 2 bites. (That is approx. $.70 per bite.)

In theory you could chew slowly and try to enjoy them, but that would defeat the purpose of fast food wouldn't it?

The point I am making is what a FUNDAMENTAL waste of money. Sure, $1.39 may not seem like a lot, but when you consider other items on the menu at fast food restaurants why would you pick the little tiny burgers when you could buy something better?

As a man, and behalf of all meat-loving men, I'd have to say when I'm going to plunk down cash for something to eat I usually go for the meal that gives me the "most meat for my buck". Why the f*ck would I buy a bunch of little tiny burgers? Shouldn't I be looking for a big-ass-sirloin burger?

Lets take A&W for example. A&W has its new Sirloin Uncle Burger available, and its roughly the same size as the Papa Burger (which has two smaller patties, but roughly the same amount of meat).

I won't even go to McDonald's anymore (unless there's nothing else available) because I am so fed up with their tiny burgers and growing prices. Why do people think McDonald's is cheap? They're not. Their burgers are smaller than average compared to other fast food restaurants, and their prices are about the same. The trick is that McDonald's has used very clever marketing to brand themselves as the 'cheap alternative' that kids and parents love, but in reality they're just reaming you.

Want a good quality big burger? I recommend Wendy's Triple Cheeseburger, A&W's Grandpa Burger, Swiss Chalet's Chargrilled Hamburger on a Kaiser and then there is Hero Certified Burgers, although a more rare chain, boasts large Angus beef burgers at reasonable prices. (I used to also recommend Pickle Barrel's burgers, but they're overpriced and you're basically just paying for the atmosphere and the service service. Plus you'll be waiting a good 25 minutes or more before your burger arrives.)

Women, if you're reading this, yes, you read correctly. We men use considerable brain power trying to determine which burger is the BIGGEST, and sometimes which one contains the most protein (juicy sirloin or jumbo burger, so difficult to decide).

Its not just burgers either. When I am grocery shopping and lets say I am comparing Chunky soups, I buy the can with the highest % of protein content. FYI, Chunky Steak and Potato has 7 grams per 250 mL while Chunky Sirloin Burger has 8 grams per 250 mL.

You may wonder why I am so obsessed with protein... its because I am on an exercise regime to get great abs and working on a high protein diet. Check out my high protein milk shake.

I figure if I am going to eat out and eat fast food, it had better be something high in protein.

Assassins & Assassination at Work

ENTERTAINMENT/POLITICS - Do you remember the assassination of JFK?

Chances are likely, you don't remember because you weren't even born yet.

Warning! The video of the JFK assassination is pretty graphic. You can actually see a chunk of JFK's head being ripped off by the bullet.

In my lifetime, I don't recall anyone important being assassinated.

Mysterious deaths maybe, like the death of weapons inspector Dr. David Kelly in Britain who said publicly there was no WMD left in Iraq, but turned up dead 4 days later from a supposed suicide.

Dr. David Kelly's mysterious death sparked the Hutton Inquiry, which mostly talked about the lead up to leaked information in the media. The inquiry largely ignored the possibility David Kelly might have been murdered, as there was no suicide note and he was killed by an overdose of medication.

A book entitled "The Strange Death of David Kelly" by Norman Baker contends that Dr. Kelly didn't commit suicide and was killed because Britain and the United States wanted to further the war against Iraq.

With Barack Obama, the first black president in the White House, and George W. Bush now in retirement (but under relatively heavy guard) you'd think someone would try to shoot one or both of them.

I am not saying I am supporting such a thing, but I am hardly the first person to suggest the possibility of someone trying it. Security around Barack Obama is the highest any American president has ever seen. The Secret Service is absolutely paranoid about an attempt on him.

And George W. Bush? People have been joking about killing him for 9 years now, and there was even a 2006 film directed by Gabriel Range on the topic called "Death of a President" in which Bush gets killed coming out of Chicago Sheraton Hotel.

In the film the assassination is then investigated and the blame goes to Syria, because of a Syrian suspect. However, as it turns out it was the father of a dead American soldier (who had died in Iraq) who did the deed.

Then there's the mythology around assassins. We tend to revere them as sex symbols, powerful and aloof from the rest of society.

Thanks to the marvel of James Bond movies... I'd say we have a healthy appetite for assassins themselves, both male and female assassins. We don't have to go far to find them. Kill Bill (starring Uma Thurman), La Femme Nikita, Mr and Mrs Smith (starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie), Assassins (starring Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas), etc...

But when have we ever seen a female assassin in real life?

To my knowledge, never. It seems to be a predominantly male occupation, despite all the movies, TV shows and comic books on the topic.

So if female assassins don't exist, why the obsession with them? Just because femme fatales are sexy?

Maybe so.

We also tend to think of assassins as two possibilities: Guns-for-Hire, or Vengeful Vigilantes.

I have only seen two films which depicts an assassin as funny: 'The Tailor of Panama' and 'The Matador', both starring Pierce Brosnan, and in both cases a gun for hire who wants to retire.

We don't see assassinations very often. By their very nature, they are rare. Maybe that explains our interest in romanticizing assassins in North American culture. Unlike superheroes like Superman, Batman, SpiderMan, etc. assassins do actually exist in real life, and they have (supposedly) skills that go beyond the norm of regular people.

The ideal (James Bond-ish) assassin has a list of talents that includes knowledge of martial arts, sniper training, military training, cat burglar like grace and acrobatics, lots of tools and gadgets... and in theory they're also good at charming people, which implies their good with the opposite sex.

(Note the similarities between James Bond and Batman: Neither has super powers, both use gadgets, gadget-oriented supercars, have a British guy named Q or Alfred helping them out and by the end of the movie usually saves the damsel in distress by ultimately outsmarting the villain.)

But you see there's a problem... the James Bond-ish assassin doesn't exist. Even Ian Fleming, British-spy-turned-novelist, wasn't actually an assassin. He was just a spy, and by his biography not really that spectacular of an one (Ian Fleming was also a racist and modern printings of 'Dr No' et al have had to be altered because they're just not kosher, but thats a different matter).

Real government assassins, the ones we never hear about, are probably so good at their job we would never know it was an assassination. They'd make it look like suicide, like poor Dr. David Kelly.

And vigilante assassins, the ones who aren't motivated by a paycheque but some kind of political strife, are much more realistic in comparison. Where is the movies about them? Usually vigilante assassins are depicted as the villains, and perhaps they are, but it does seem strange that government assassins are treated like sex symbols in Hollywood, while the more realistic vigilante assassins get such a bad reputation.

After all, if Big Brother was watching over our shoulder and assassinating people who go against the government (either by accident or by design), why should we be glorifying a career-killer when in reality they sound more like villains?

Lets take the case of Alexander Litvinenko, a Russian spy who spoke out against the Russian government (Litvinenko's superiors ordered the assassination of Russian tycoon and oligarch, Boris Berezovsky) and was later poisoned by someone in the Russian government back in 2006. Litvinenko died from the poison radionuclide polonium-210 (a radioactive poison reserved for military use).

So government assassins are real, and they really shouldn't be romanticized.

Home-Made Pizza at Work

ENTERTAINMENT - Why order out and get a crappy pizza that never seems to have enough meat on it? If you're like me, you like lots of meat on your pizza. In fact its reached a point where I've decided to start making my own pizzas, and adding my own toppings.

#1. Its a lot cheaper.

#2. It saves time (seriously, the half hour or 45 minutes it takes to wait for the pizza, plus the time spent arguing over what to put on the pizza and where to order from, you could just make your own).

#3. You make the pizza as big as you want and with the toppings you want.

#4. Homemade pizza TASTES better.

#5. Want to impress your girlfriend or friends? Nothing says "THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME!" than a well-made homemade pizza.

I recommend making pizza a couple times by yourself to perfect your recipe before treating your girlfriend. Nothing says LOSER more than burning the pizza.

WHAT YOU WILL NEED TO MAKE PIZZA:

1 package dried yeast (1½ tsp - 8ml)
1/2 tsp sugar (3ml)
1½ cup lukewarm water (375ml)
3½ cups white flour (500 gm)
1½ tsp salt (8ml)
1 large egg
Olive oil

Toppings: I recommend buying pepperoni, sausages (which you can thaw out and cut into slices), potatoes (small or medium potato wedges on pizza is a Korean trick, and very tasty), peppers (green or red), onions, ground hamburger, bacon sprinkle (usually a salad topping, but also useful for pizza) and whatever else you regularly enjoy on your pizza.

Sprinkle yeast and sugar into warm water and mix. Allow to sit for 10 minutes until mixture begins to bubble.

Combine flour and salt in large bowl, make a well in the center, pour in yeast mixture and beaten egg and gradually work in the flour to make a dough.

Turn out onto lightly floured surface and knead thoroughly until smooth and elastic - at least 5 minutes. Use only enough flour to prevent the dough from sticking to the surface.

Place in lightly oiled bowl, turn dough to coat with oil and cover with a clean cloth.

DO NOT USE A ROLLING PIN!!! Some people are lazy and use a rolling pin to squash the pizza out, but the problem is that this causes the pizza to be squished and won't be as fluffy when you cook it. If you spread the dough out by hand it will be fluffier and taste better. Too thin and it will become more like a cardboard pizza (which everyone hates).

Keep the pizza dough in your fridge or on the counter until later, and when you're ready just add tomato sauce and toppings, and pop it in the oven.

Allow to rise for 45 minutes, or until doubled in volume. Punch down and then use as directed in recipe. (Use rolling motion with fists to force-stretch dough to size of pizza pan).

There is also plenty of recipes and videos available on YouTube, so you can find the recipe that is right for you.

Brothers and Custody Battles at Work

CANADA/DIVORCE - In the city of Mississauga yesterday an 18-year-old older brother made the unprecedented request to be granted custody of his two younger brothers in hopes of ending a decade of family "warfare".

"My concerns are not as to (which parent) is 'right' or 'wrong'... but how to bring back some sanity to our family," says the teenager, who will soon turn 19, in his 8-page affidavit. "My brothers and I are close. I think we have become closer with all the conflict. I am determined to make sure they are not harmed."

The teen argues his parents' ongoing conflict has turned his siblings young lives into "subjects of some social engineering experiment" which is harming their psyche.

"My brothers have ended up being committed in a hospital against their wishes, committed to live somewhere they do not want to live, exposed to psychiatrists who have attempted to carry out experimental therapy with them at the risk of severe harm to them, and if their lawyer will not do anything to stop this, I believe I have the right as their brother to be as concerned about them as each of my parents," he says in his affidavit.

At its core the case is about parental alienation with the warring parents using their children as weapons against each other. Its complex, its painful, and it doesn't need to happen.

His 12 and 14-year-old brothers are "at risk of serious harm," and he's prepared to put his education on hold, move out of his father's subsidized apartment and apply for welfare – or sue his parents for child support – so he can raise his brothers and "end the conflict."

The two boys have been in foster care since last December, after they declined to participate in what the older brother considers "voodoo science" – a controversial family workshop by United States parental alienation expert Randy Rand – and then refused to return to live with their mother, who currently is supposed to have custody, but they were placed in foster care when a doctor became concerned about their dangerous sense of despair.

The father claims the mother has been physically abusing the boys. The eldest son agrees.

The mother claims the father is trying to brainwash the children and accused him of an orchestrated campaign to turn the boys against her.

The teen said he's done "a lot of homework now on `parental alienation' and recognizes that he has to fight for his brothers on his own because his father has been "tainted" by the court proceedings.

"I am almost 19 years of age. Neither my mother nor my father ought to be able to prevent me from taking all the necessary measures to protect my brothers and present my own plan (for raising them.)"

A ruling on the teen's request is expected April 20th.

See Also:
Divorce, Custody Battles and Brainwashing the Kids
Domestic Abuse in the USA
Messy divorces costly, bankrupting couples
Child Support for non-biological kids?

Tiny Hamburgers at Work

Have you seen the new Burger King commercial with their tiny little burgers called "BK Burger Shots".



For $1.39 each, they're gone in less than 2 bites. (That is approx. $.70 per bite.)

In theory you could chew slowly and try to enjoy them, but that would defeat the purpose of fast food wouldn't it?

The point I am making is what a FUNDAMENTAL waste of money. Sure, $1.39 may not seem like a lot, but when you consider other items on the menu at fast food restaurants why would you pick the little tiny burgers when you could pick something else?

As a man, and behalf of all meat-loving men who appreciate a good burger, I'd have to say when I'm going to plunk down cash for something to eat I usually go for the meal that gives me the "most meat for my buck". Why the heck would I buy a bunch of little tiny burgers? Shouldn't I be looking for a big-freaking-sirloin burger?

Lets take A&W for example. A&W has its new Sirloin Uncle Burger available, and its roughly the same size as the Papa Burger (which has two smaller patties, but roughly the same amount of meat).

Women, if you're reading this, yes, you read correctly. We men use considerable brain power trying to determine which burger is the BIGGEST, and sometimes which one contains the most protein (juicy sirloin or jumbo burger, so difficult to decide).

Its not just burgers either. When I am grocery shopping and lets say I am comparing Chunky soups, I buy the can with the highest % of protein content. Chunky Steak and Potato has 7 grams per 250 mL while Chunky Sirloin Burger has 8 grams per 250 mL.

It is my opinion that that BK Burger Shots are actually aimed at anorexic women who are worried about their weight. Just my opinion. Which is funny because they wouldn't be caught dead eating at Burger King.

That and children. That is right. Its a kiddie burger being marketed to adults.

To any of you men out there who eat those tiny burgers, you should be ashamed of yourself for falling for lame advertising.

Internet Impostors at Work

When it comes to dealing with people online, the last thing you want to do is give out too much information.

By Charles Moffat - March 2009.

TECHNOLOGY - This is a long story, but if you've ever been the victim of an internet impostor you know its usually a long story.

Ten years ago roughly I got a series of emails from someone asking about my artwork and my writing on website. Then they moved on to asking me all sorts of probing questions about my past relationships.

The questions at times were a bit insulting, and in an effort to defend myself from accusations and insults I replied to the emails, gave examples, names and way too much personal information about the events during one relationship in particular with a woman called "June" (pseudonym to protect her real name).

That was a big mistake on my part.

The next thing I know I got an angry phone call from June, asking why I am harassing her and sending her nasty emails.

Now obviously they weren't from me. Not only would I would remember sending such emails, but the silly thing is I have no reason to harass June at all. It was a badly ended relationship, I'll admit, but I bear her no ill will whatsoever.

So I explained to her that they weren't from me, and June's husband (who is more computer savvy) and I even went through the task of comparing the IP addresses from the emails she had received, and the emails from the woman who had sent me all the probing questions.

Not a surprise, they matched.

Not only that, when we checked the WHOIS for the IP address it was coming from a public library in Mississauga in Canada (quite a distance from where I lived at the time, especially since I didn't have a car).

The impostor had modified their email settings to make it look like the emails were coming from me, but when you clicked reply it still forwarded to their email account and not mine. They were using either Hotmail or Yahoo, I don't remember which.

Lastly, the info the impostor used in their harassing emails to June was clearly the same info they had managed to trick out of me.

So it was an internet impostor, without a doubt. June's husband and I both agreed we had been the victims of a sick prank.

I thought the issue was over and done with. I didn't give the incident a second thought.

But apparently June had doubts and still had bitterness towards me, so she contacted the impostor back, and the impostor managed to maintain the illusion that they were still me. Furthermore the impostor went on insult her husband and even threaten him.

So for the past ten years June has gone on thinking I had insulted/threatened her husband.

So when I recently decided to contact her on Facebook, just to see how she's doing and how life is, I was extremely shocked to discover that she still thought I was the one sending the harassing emails/etc.

I tried to explain that those emails were completely fake, but I don't think June will ever believe me. It is somewhat upsetting that my good name has been damaged by an internet impostor, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter I suppose. The past is the past and people are way too obsessed and bitter about it sometimes.

This is not the first time I've been the victim of harassment. See Internet Foolery. And that is just one example... see my problems with Casandra Vasu further below.

What shocks me is that we haven't tried to solve this problem. Internet services like WHOIS by IP are widely available for people to check the IP addresses of where messages are coming from. It is mind-boggling that people don't know how to use it.

Every couple of years I get contacted by a particular impostor, ex-girlfriend Casandra Anne Vasu from Ohio. Unlike June, I will use her real name here because she should be ashamed of what she does.

The first time she did it she pretended to be a gay man hitting on me, calling 'himself' the "Scatmaster4000". I had to look scat up to find out what it actually means and now wish I had not. Her choice of scat confirms to me what a sicko she is.

The second time she pretended to be a teenage female, and she (like the internet impostor above) started asking me about my past relationships and asking me about... small surprise... herself, Casandra Anne Vasu. When I called her bluff, she changed her story and said she was Casandra's step-sister and that their parents were getting married to each other. Completely ridiculous.

A third time Casandra tried to pretend she was in Russia, working for an underground communist newspaper. (Which is silly, because why would a communist newspaper in Russia have to be underground since Russia is a communist country already?) I checked the IP and she was in New York City.

The silly thing is I see through her tricks every time, for two reasons. #1. During the time that I was friends with Casandra Vasu and I exchanged emails regularly and I got to recognize her unique writing style, her sense of wit/sarcasm and the methods she uses to provoke the conversation. #2. Whenever I suspect an email is from Casandra, I check the IP address to see where it is coming from.

Almost always its from the Cuyahoga County Public Library, near Cleveland Ohio. Casandra apparently doesn't have much imagination when it comes to playing pranks on me.

When I got all the emails from the Mississauga impostor 10 years ago it struck me that it could be Casandra, up to her old tricks again. Indeed, I wonder to this day if it could have been her. Its possible she was visiting a friend or family member in Mississauga, and like her previous pranks she decided to go to a public library.

These days I try to avoid putting too much personal info on the internet. As a popular artist/writer (my art website gets approx. 12,000 daily visitors) I am constantly getting emails from fans, business offers, students writing essays on me (I'm not kidding, that happens on a weekly basis now) and of course hatemail from people who disagree with my more controversial paintings/writing.

As I gradually become more well-known as an artist I have had to learn to deal with the attention, and I imagine it will not be the first time I will be the victim of internet impostors or internet foolery.

My advice to other people?

DEFINITELY DO NOT GIVE OUT PERSONAL INFO ONLINE.

#1. Avoid using full names or real names.
#2. Don't tell stories with lots of details to strangers, leave specific/useful details out.
#3. Relationships can come back to haunt you, so when possible make a clean break.
#4. Make it easy to contact your real email address, so that people can contact the real you in the event they suspect an impostor is posing as you. You may get more spam
#5. When you suspect an impostor, contact both the real person and check the IP to see where it is coming from.

You may end up feeling a bit like a CSI detective when you check the IPs, but its really not that complicated.

Using these tips you should either have less problems with impostors, or you'll be able to catch them red-handed.

TECHNOLOGY IDEA: Wouldn't it be nice if internet email services like Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo, etc. automated checked the IP and listed the town/city and the country the IP is from? It could easily be done, and could make it easier to prevent internet scams and impostors.

See Also:
College Relationships
Canada a Haven for Internet Spam
Telephone Marketing and Spam should be Illegal

Salvatore Samperi dead, age 64

ENTERTAINMENT/SEX - Italian director Salvatore Samperi, best known for erotic comedies that challenged the morals of Italy's middle class, has died at age 64, his family announced Thursday. Samperi died Wednesday in his house on Lake Bracciano (50 km north of Rome), the family has declined to give the cause of the death.

Samperi's movies were a social critique of the Italian bourgeoisie, often through the lens of forbidden passions and relationships within middle-class families as a way to show what he saw as their decadence and hypocrisy.

Many critics consider "Grazie, Zia" ("Thank You, Aunt") to be his best film. In it Samperi tells the story of a rich young man who engages in a sexually charged relationship with his aunt. The movie, released in 1968, marked Samperi's directorial debut at age 24.

Samperi's biggest success came with "Malizia" ("Malice") in 1973, which turned Italian actress Laura Antonelli into an erotic icon, thanks to her role as a sexy, socially climbing maid. The movie was seen as scandalous but was also a commercial hit and became a cultural sensation.

Born in the city of Padua, Samperi briefly studied literature and philosophy before turning to erotic cinema. His career included a few flops, including a sequel to "Malizia," made about 20 years after the original.

In recent years he had worked primarily for TV. Samperi is survived by his wife and a son. A funeral is scheduled for Friday.

See Also:
Russ Meyer
YouTube Revolutionizes the Porn Industry
A Quick Look at 21st Century Digital Erotica
The Lolita Complex - Sex in Hollywood

Cleavage at Work

SEX - There's something about breast cleavage that just makes a man's brain turn to mush.

We know men can't concentrate when faced with cleavage. See Science proves that bikinis turn men into idiots.

There was a time (supposedly centuries ago) that the mere sight of a woman's ankles would send men drooling after her lustfully. I can't imagine such a thing myself, because being more of a Russ Meyer fan, I've always appreciated breasts. Ankles? I cannot imagine what men could drool over ankles.

 

At the same time however there are men out there who simply don't like breasts. And no, we're not talking about homosexuality. No, I am talking about straight men, for whatever reason prefer a different part of the woman's body... ass, legs, lips, hips, hair, feet, whatever.

Some of those, like feet for example, are really more of a fetish than anything else.

There are certain female body parts however that it makes sense that men are naturally attracted to. Lets take the buttocks for example, or more specifically the cleavage between the ass cheeks. There's a remarkable similarity between that and breast cleavage, suggesting that men are attracted to... cleavage.

Furthermore, the cleavage men are most attracted to seems to be curvy, luscious and voluptuous.

Other hot-ticket female body parts, the hips for example, also are admired for their curves. Women KNOW this attracts men and thus all the money for liposuction and breast implants.

Then there's the celebrities.

Name a female celebrity who doesn't regularly flash her cleavage at the public? Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Salma Hayek, Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts... even the older actresses like Judi Dench or Bette Midler flash their cleavage at the cameras.

And its a smart move on their part. Keeping the public's attention on them promotes their careers, and the more news buzz they receive in the gossip column the more they can demand when they take acting roles.

Such things don't go over well with the religious crowd however. Nothing offends the religious wackos more than homosexuality, nakedness and anything remotely blasphemous (like Harry Potter or The Golden Compass).

Which is silly when you consider the male attraction to breasts is really natural. If you are religious, it makes sense that God made breasts for a reason, and made men attracted to breasts for a reason (to make us want women and propagate the species).

 

 And even if you're not religious, it also makes sense that men are attracted to breasts as a way of encouraging the propagation of the species, by making sex and making babies attractive. But religious folks argue that breasts and the enjoyment of sex is the devil's work... bla bla bla.

Nonsense.

Where in the Bible does it say sex is a sin or that sex is somehow a bad thing? The Bible makes very few statements about sex, but here is an abbreviated version:

THE TEN SEX COMMANDMENTS OF THE BIBLE

1. Thou shalt not have homosexual sex.

 2. Thou shalt not have sex with animals.

3. Thou shalt not have sex with your sister, your mother or any other relative.

 4. Thou shalt not spread your seed on the ground (aka masturbate).

5. Thou shalt have one wife and one wife only.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

7. Thou shalt stone to death adulterers.

8. Thou shalt stone to death rapists.

 9. Thou shalt stone to death homosexuals.

10. Thou shalt stone to death people who have sex with animals. NOTE: The Bible says nothing about abortion.

  

So there's nothing wrong with ogling breasts technically. Its perfectly natural for men to do. But it is rude.

So if you are going to look at cleavage in public (or wherever) try not to make it too obvious. Unless you're in a strip club I suppose... but at that point you'd be looking at a lot more than just cleavage.

For the ladies, you know by now that men just plain ogle whatever happens to come into their field of vision that excites them. We men assume that women ogle men from time to time (why else would old women be buying so many firefighter calendars?)... the point is women have a right to be upset what a man is ogling your breasts too much (or worse, your boyfriend ogling someone else's...).

 So how much is too much?

That varies.

I follow the five second rule.

Anything longer than that and you're staring.

SPECIAL NOTE: If a female is wearing revealing clothing to work, I have to say that is extremely distracting. I've even been tempted to make a complaint to a manager about a co-worker who was showing a little too much cleavage.

So PLEASE, don't show lots of cleavage in a professional workplace.

 See Also:
Breast Implants at Work
Female Bodybuilders at Work
Breast Implants for Dummies
Open-Cup Bras
The History of the Corset & Brassiere
Shock Absorbing Sports Bras
The Bikini turns 60
History of the Bra & Breasts