The Wulfric the Wanderer Series

The Wulfric the Wanderer Series
A Sword & Sorcery Series written by Charles Moffat

Monday, May 24, 2010

Sarah Jessica Parker's Ugliness at Work

ENTERTAINMENT - What is ugly? What do we consider ugly? Is there a line that is crossed that becomes ugliness?

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but you could argue so is ugliness.

So what then is Sarah Jessica Parker, one of the four stars of Sex and the City?

Is she ugly or beautiful?

Some people argue that she is hot. Others say she is ugly. Some even go so far as to say Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse. (And there is definitely some similarities.)

Obviously she's not "drop dead gorgeous". Perhaps on the skinny side of average would be more accurate. The wart (or whatever that thing is) on her chin isn't helping either. She could easily play the Wicked Witch of the West with ease.

I must admit she seems to have a two-face problem... sometimes she looks good, other times pretty disgusting. Its a bit like the Seinfeld episode with the woman who keeps going back and forth between beautiful and ugly depending on the lighting conditions.



There's also the episode of The Office where they argue whether Hillary Swank is hot or not. Evidently Hillary Swank also suffers from two-facedness.

I think in this case its a matter of makeup. Sarah Jessica Parker has become very reliant on makeup to make her look presentable. Not necessarily beautiful, because her face is so long and angular that you'd really have to like that look in the first place to appreciate her face.

Or do you?

Many of us have no doubt seen the Dove commercial by now which demonstrates the combined effects of hair/makeup, lighting and photoshop:



So in the case of Sarah Jessica Parker it is clear that makeup is her friend, but it really can do only so much for her. If anything she would be better off putting on an extra 20 lbs so her cheeks don't look so gaunt.

She does have a rather long face so in that respect she is undoubtably horse like.

But what if you like horses? They're a handsome beast. Majestic... it just doesn't work on the face of a woman that well. The long face, the droopy nose, that gauntness of her cheeks, that wart on her chin.

She's also super skinny and short. See Stuck Up Little Bitches at Work. You'll pardon me if I prefer a woman who has more meat, muscle and a healthy dose of body fat.

But for fans of Sex and the City however perhaps it is because she's imperfect that some fans like her so much. Her character is spunky, thoughtful and well acted. Nobody can say Sarah Jessica Parker can't act. She's an excellent actress.

But she's not beautiful. She's average. Just like the majority of us. And while our perceptions of beauty are continually distorted in the 21st century (no thanks to photoshop, Hollywood and the beauty industry) she's also more real.

Its the same reason why the beauty industry no longer hires models for their commercials as much as they used to... the focus these days is on hiring funny actresses based on their popularity. Its a two-prong effect: #1. Actresses look realistic and they're easier to work with on a commercial set because they have acting experience. So even though they're acting its perceived as being more real because its not an airbrushed supermodel. #2. The product benefits from the actress's popularity.

Take "Angela" from the popular TV show The Office: She isn't particularly attractive. She's just a skinny blonde known more for her hair and sour disposition... and yet here she is in Clairol Nice 'n Easy commercials.



Then there's the heroin chic look... skinny and gaunt Carre Otis used to look or any number of other so-called supermodels which the fashion industry claims is beautiful, but in reality they're 10 lbs away from being a skeletal corpse.

Call me a traditionalist but I'd prefer the Marilyn Monroe or Pam Grier look.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Veggie Burgers at Work - Yuck!

HEALTH - I tried to eat a veggie burger yesterday but only managed to finish 75% of it... let me explain why.

I can't eat mushy foods. Foods like squash, scalloped potatoes, really runny mashed potatoes, anything with consistency of baby food... For whatever reason it provokes my gag reflex and makes me want to vomit.

I think it has something to do with bad memories of mushy foods and vomiting. Even vomit itself is mushy.

Thus my attempt yesterday, in order to please my vegetarian dinner partner, was nothing short of daring. Around the 72% mark my gag reflex was going nuts and the mushed up ingredients in the veggie burger patty was simply too much. I had to stop before I puked in front of 25 vegetarians, all presumably enjoying their restaurant meal.

I picked the Deluxe Veggie Burger off the menu because it was really the only thing that looked vaguely familiar.

I had tried to order a Caesar salad, but their version of Caesar salad came with a whole bunch of extra veggies on it that I didn't like. I tried speaking to the waitress about ordering a normal basic Caesar salad (you know, the kind with croutons on it) but she informed me they don't have croutons... WTF! How can you have a Caesar salad without croutons???

Nothing else on the menu looked edible to me. Even the Soup of the Day looked like a spicy mixture of veggies and vomit. (The soup was "Spicy Tomato w/Chipotle & Spinach".)

The name of the restaurant in question was Fresh. Presumably the ingredients were all fresh, but the menu left much to be desired. You can see their menu in PDF format and what it is essentially is a trial in vegetarian extravaganza, like they're trying really hard to impress you by tossing all sorts of weird combinations at you... so many vegetables mixed together that there is bound to be more the one vegetable in the mix the average person won't like.

Lets take that Spicy Tomato w/Chipotle & Spinach Soup of the Day for example... I hate spinach, I am disgusted by Chipotle and I can only tolerate tomato.

Even the protein shakes were enough to make my stomach queasy. The Swoosh Shake contains: peanut butter, dark cocoa, maple syrup, banana, soymilk, cinnamon + protein powder. Peanut butter in a milk shake? Mixed with banana and cinnamon? WTF.

Might as well be sticking ketchup on my ice cream because that is how disgusting it sounds. Or chocolate on my pizza. Or some other combo that just doesn't work.

I was raised in a farming community north of Kitchener. Almost everything is home grown or homemade or both. My parents regularly visit and bring me homemade jam, pies, potatoes they grew themselves, maple syrup from our neighbours' and even meat from the butcher shop several miles down the road. Nothing is grown in a "factory farm" and the community has a large and growing number of Mennonites (they breed like rabbits).

That said I am used to what I would call normal vegetables, fruits and grains. Corn, peas, beets, carrots, lettuce, peppers, oatmeal, apples, pears, etc.

The moment you start adding non-normal vegetables to the mix the combination of flavours mushed together is such that I do two things: 1. I worry if I can even swallow such a mushy combination. 2. The thought of the flavour combination boggles my brain.

ie. Avocado Smoothie: Avocado, banana, spinach, pure coconut water.

Spinach and banana and avocado? What stoned vegan pothead thought up that mixture? (That is not a joke, there have been a number of recent newspaper articles about chefs who smoke pot either at work or after work. "Everybody smokes dope after work," says Anthony Bourdain, an author and chef who made his name chronicling drugs in professional kitchens. "People you would never imagine.")

Seriously, I don't know how else to describe it. Vegan chefs must be high on something to be making such weird combinations. They've lost touch reality and their taste buds have gone so haywire that they're coming up with new ways to make normal people puke.

(Oh and by the way, I did a test on Yahoo! Answers. I am not the only one who gets nauseated by mushy foods. My mother for example can't chew gum because she doesn't like the texture. My uncle Duncan can't eat peanut butter because of the texture and the stickiness of it. Its apparently a quite normal gag reflex. I also posted the question to the TV show Dr Oz and am waiting for a response.)

Oh and there's one more thing I wanted to comment on... years ago vegetarians were pretty basic... but then along came vegans and they upped the ante by refusing milk, dairy or anything else made from animal. (And yet count the number of times their clothes contains wool, silk or leather.)

And then came the people who insist upon organic pesticide free food. (To be considered organic a farmer's field has to be pesticide free for 8 years and can't be downwind from any other farm which uses pesticides. Suffice to say it is very difficult for farmers to switch to becoming organic because they have to go through 8 years where their crop won't sell for as much, and farmers are already struggling to pay their bills.)

The problem with organic food however is that it relies more heavily on genetically modified plants. So now many veggie eaters insist that they won't buy food which is GMOD, but frankly good luck proving which is which.

The point I am getting at is this is a hugely slippery slope. First the vegetarianism, then veganism, then organic foods, then anti-GMOD. What is next? Food that is grown using green technology and no fossil fuels used to transport it?

I think that is coming. Seriously, the way the green movement is going I wouldn't be surprised if the super-vegans out there don't start insisting their food be hand planted and grown, no tractors or combines, it has to be grown in a local greenhouse using solar and wind power in a pest free environment.

And then once the food is grown it has to be transported by bicycle to the Uber-Vegan Store which runs on solar power. No dog sleds allowed because that would count as animal cruelty. No sailboats either because you might hurt some fish on the way.

Now I admit that sounds ridiculous, but I am willing to bet there are people out there who would start insisting on these things once they realized it was an option.

At some point practicality needs to kick in.

Ten years ago I met a girl in university who described herself as a practical vegetarian... she will eat meat, but only so it doesn't go to waste. She and other practical vegetarians believe it is more important that food is not wasted or thrown out. She doesn't worry whether her ice cream or salad dressing has some non-organic product in it. Her food doesn't have to be quote unquote organic and I presume she didn't worry whether it was genetically modified or not.

As an omnivore I am all about practicality and taste. I don't like wasting money on food that I won't enjoy. To me that is highly unethical to buy food, taste it and then throw it away because I didn't like it. Hence why I managed to eat 75% of the above mentioned veggie burger. I tried to stomach it as best as I could because it was $9. (It didn't even come with fries!!!)

In retrospect I should have gone down the street and paid $3.50 for a Polish sausage on a bun. And enjoyed every last bit of it, not letting a single bite go to waste.

I think I can safely say I will never become a vegetarian. Not just because I love meat and I am on a high protein diet to compliment my weightlifting regimen, but also because the vomit-inducing, holier-than-thou, impractical veggie eating lifestyle just isn't for me.

Its just too nauseating.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Freedom of Speech & Facebook at Work

POLITICS - About a month ago the Fifth Estate (on the CBC) aired a documentary about Peter Nygard which showed the truth about his fashion empire, his history of bullying employees, and how his lawyers continue to bully them even after they no longer for him.

What the documentary missed was a NLC report which came out a week later which showed Nygard was also involved in human trafficking and slavery in the country of Jordan. In other words his reputation was quickly going from bad to worse.

Inspired by the documentary my friend started a Facebook group named "Boycotting Peter Nygard" and I was later enlisted to help promote it. With very little effort the group grew to over 200 people, including a number of ex-employees of Peter Nygard.

Today the Boycotting Peter Nygard Facebook group was removed from Facebook. According to Facebook it was because Peter Nygard's lawyers had made a complaint that the group was infringing on "intellectual property rights".

So... What about our freedom of speech? What about democracy? Why is Peter Nygard's reputation more important than the freedom of speech of 200+ people?

Peter Nygard has a huge list of allegations against him. Multiple rape allegations, which have all been dropped after his lawyers intimidated the women involved. Using sweatshop / slave labour in a pants factory in Jordan. Physically, emotionally and sexually abusing his workers in Canada, the USA and the Bahamas. Violating laws concerning the ethical treatment of workers. Human trafficking of workers. These things are well-documented by the CBC and the NLC. He's a complete and utter scumbag.

Now we can add stifling freedom of speech to the list... because apparently for billionaires like Peter Nygard its super easy to just delete websites that are boycotting you. You just throw money and lawyers at the problem.

I certainly don't recall selling my freedom of speech to the devil. It can be quite discouraging to realize that our efforts were momentarily in vain...

Except people are like cockroaches. Once we know the truth we just come back stronger and more determined than ever to voice our freedom of speech. You can delete our words on Facebook, but you can't delete our keyboards.

We will just write more and spread the word. Scumbags like Peter Nygard must be opposed by people with honesty and integrity.

Join the New Boycotting Peter Nygard's Brands Facebook Group.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Premature Ejaculation at Work

SEX - You have to feel sorry for those men who can't last more than 2 minutes while having sex. Something is either wrong with them or they're in a rush for no apparent reason.

Some men (and I am proud to say I am one of them) can "get it on" for hours at a time. Endurance, stamina... its all good.

So to me its mindboggling that the "average man" can only have sex for 5 minutes before ejaculating. Because that means if there's other men like myself who can go for hours... there must be the reverse... men who can only last mere seconds.

Obviously in that case it can't be a matter of just being in a rush. No "wham bam thank you mam" in that scenario... these poor suckas can't hold it together long enough for the time it takes to brush your teeth.

But there is good news on the horizon. A new drug called Priligy, also known as dapoxetine, allows men to last approx. 3 times longer during intercourse. Clinical trials of Priligy involving men with a mean time of 0.9 minutes from penetration to ejaculation showed the drug increased time before orgasm by an average of three minutes.

Spokesperson Dr. Thom Van Every expects the drug to become as popular as Viagra and is ideal for men who orgasm within the first 2 minutes of penetration... aka sufferers of premature ejaculation.

Right now the pill is pretty expensive. It costs approx. $117 CDN (76 British pounds) to purchase on Lloydspharmacy.com's online drug store. The pill was only released and became available today, but already the company has thousands of applications.

“There’s a lot of pressure to be good in bed,” says Dr. Thom Van Every, who received heart-rending applications from men seeking online consultations, which are required before the drug can be prescribed. The men complained, “I worry that I can’t satisfy my partner” and “My previous relationship ended because of premature ejaculation.”

The drug in question is also an antidepressant, so it boosts self-confidence too. An useful thing in bed. It needs to be taken 2 to 3 hours before for it to become useful.

Although this is the first drug licensed as a treatment for premature ejaculation, doctors have long known that antidepressants can delay orgasm and have been prescribing them “off label” for years now.

Dapoxetine is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, similar to Zoloft and Prozac, which affect neurological functions. Doctors aren’t quite sure how they delay orgasm, but the effect is well-documented.

30% of men experience premature ejaculation, not all the time in most cases, but some of the time. Other recommended treatments include topical lotions containing anesthetic as well as condoms and special exercises.

Priligy is awaiting approval from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and isn't available in Canada yet either.

Health Canada could not confirm whether it has received an application to license the drug.

I think (and this is purely my belief) that premature ejaculation is the result of lack of sexual confidence and control. If these poor men simply had more confidence in their abilities they'd be able to last longer. Knowing when to slow down a bit, take it easy, get more practice, enjoy some kama sutra positions would certainly help in my opinion.

Those exercises might be useful for regular or above average men too, those that want to last even longer. In which case that should make a lot more happy couples.





















Control Premature Ejaculation with the Start/Stop Technique

Learning to control premature ejaculation without the use of drugs or desensitizers involves learning to read the signals your body is giving you, knowing when you are about to ejaculate, and pulling back from that point. The technique below is my variation on the common “start/stop technique”. Before you begin you should take some time to understand the basics of premature ejaculation, a bit about male sexual response, and what Kegel exercises are.

Time Required: The most important part of these exercises is to practice (daily if possible).

1.Use a stroking technique.
Begin masturbating by stroking your penis up and down. This is the best method for these exercises as it most closely approximates penetration. Don’t think about premature ejaculation or trying to last longer. Just pay attention to the physical sensations in your penis and pelvic area as your masturbating.

2.Try to notice the “tickling” sensation prior to ejaculation.
As you get close to ejaculation pay particular attention to the physical sensations in your body. Try to notice the “tickling” sensation that occurs just before you ejaculate. Once you know what that feeling is like, you can concentrate on the feelings that occur just before this stage, when it is still possible to stop ejaculation.

3.Get comfortable recognizing the “tickling” sensation.
Continue masturbating without trying to last longer or think of anything special. Just pay close attention to how your body feels as you become more excited, and to recognizing the “tickling” feelings. Do this for at least the next three times you masturbate. Don’t stop yourself from ejaculating, just try to recognize the “tickling” feeling, and the feeling in your body just before the tickling feeling.

4.Start and stop masturbating to learn control.
Once you can tell when the “tickling” sensation is going to come you’re ready to begin the exercises. Try to avoid fantasizing more than necessary, and don’t use lubricant or sex toys while doing these exercises (they’re great, but they’ll come later).

5.Begin stimulation while paying close attention to the physical sensations in your body.
Masturbate until you start to feel turned on and have an erection. Then stop the stimulation for at least 15 seconds and concentrate on the feelings of decreasing excitement in your body. Notice how your penis and pelvic area feel, and how that changes when you stop stimulation. Notice how the rest of your body feels.

6.Continue until you get close to the “tickling” sensation.
Begin to masturbate again, and continue to start and stop periodically until you feel you are getting as close to the “tickling” stage as possible. When you feel yourself getting close stop until you feel you are back in control. Some men find that doing and Kegel squeezes helps them get back in control.

7.Don't worry if you lose your erection.
You may lose your erection when you stop the stimulation, but just start again. You may need to use fantasy to get excited again, but once you're turned on, try to focus on your body. Bring yourself close to the tickling point three times. After this you can just masturbate until you ejaculate.

8.Pay close attention to your body, and repeat this exercise daily.
You may find it difficult to do these exercises at first. You may lose your erection, your mind may wander, you might get bored. But try to stay with it, and practice this daily. As you do, two things will happen. First, the length of time you have to wait to regain control will gradually decrease. Second, the length of time you can continue stimulation between stops will increase.

9.Visualize your sexual response.
Look at the diagram on this page which gives a visual representation of the start and stop technique. Each time you stop stimulating yourself try to picture your body responding as if on this graph.

10.Build up the number of times you stop.
Increase the number of times you stop stimulating yourself until you have reached six. Once you can do the entire exercise ( stimulating yourself just before the “tickling” point, stopping stimulation until you regain control, and then starting again) six times, begin to practice this daily.

11.Use a good lubricant.
Once you’re feeling confident with the exercises, and are able to stop six times, you can increase the stimulation, and the usefulness of the exercises by using a good oil or water based personal lubricant. Because this is only for masturbation, an oil based lubricant is fine to use (but not safe for use with condoms, and not recommended for use in vaginal penetration).

12.Using the lubricant to simulate penetration, start the exercise.
As before, stimulate yourself as closely as possible to the point of ejaculation and then stop until control is regained. Begin by stopping three times before going on to ejaculate, then gradually increase the number of stops to six per session.

13.Once you feel comfortable, include a partner.
If you are in a relationship, ultimately you need to bring your partner into the exercises. Don’t rush this, but once you feel confident with your ability to know when to stop and wait until you regain control, you can involve your partner in the exercises.

Tips:
1.Don’t ever try to stop ejaculation once it has begun. If you go past that point, just let yourself ejaculate.

2.Try to use fantasy only as much as you need to. Because of the starting and stopping, you might need it to get yourself aroused again, but once you are turned on, try to focus back on your body and how it feels.

3.If you usually masturbate by rubbing your pelvis against something, try to use a stroking method. For these exercises, this makes it easier. If you have to change your usual method for the exercises, take a few sessions to get comfortable with this new method.

4.Some men find Kegel exercises help them both by increasing their knowledge of their sexual response, but also the Kegel squeezing can return a feeling of control when you are approaching the point of no return.

5.As you go on to each new step you may find yourself losing some of the control you have developed. This will happen, but if you keep practicing you’ll continue to progress.

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